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Some people say that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries,shops and public transport.Do you agree or disagree?

At present, a number of people argue about phone uses they say, mobiles should be banned in certain places. However, in this essay I will discuss various approaches about it. First and foremost, in this modern world mobile phones have become a vital part in our life but some it may create various problems for humans for instance, the libraries such places where people go for reading something so that they can read peacefully environment but if someone use mobile then then obviously people get irritates as a result it really essential that mobiles should be banned in libraries. Secondly, shops are such places where people like to do shopping comfortably therefore, during shopping if someone talking loudly there then no doubt people will get disturb they can't enjoy their shopping. The last but not least, mostly people use mobile phones frequently during travelling without consider bad consequences for example, every day huge number of people get victim of road accidents due to mobile because they use phones and their distract. From my perspective, I am totally agree with this statement. Phones have lots benefits but as well as it has some problems therefore, people can use mobiles but they should be considered places that where they are. To sum up, these all problems can be addressed by government, they can make strict regulations which may overcome on these issues.
At present, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
they say, mobiles should
be banned
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
However
, in this essay I will discuss various approaches about it.

First
and foremost, in this modern world mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have become a vital part in our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
it may create various problems for humans
for instance
, the libraries such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go for reading something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can read
peacefully
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if someone
The pronoun ‘someone’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “uses”, “used”.
use
mobile
Possible typo: you repeated a word
then then
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
irritates
as a result
Did you mean “is” or “it is”?
it
really
essential that mobiles should
be banned
in libraries.
Secondly
, shops are such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in “-ing” is “go”, not “do” or “play”.
do shopping
comfortably
therefore
, during shopping if someone talking
loudly
there then no doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturb they can't enjoy their shopping. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
frequently
during travelling without consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences
for example
, every day huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
victim of road accidents due to mobile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and their distract.

From my perspective, I am
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Phones
have lots benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobiles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
be considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that where they are.

To sum up, these all problems can
be addressed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict regulations which may overcome on these issues.

IELTS essay Some people say that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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