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Some people say that it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v.1

Some people say that it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
Many believe that it is vital to have your premises and the work-area in a well-organised way and where everything is sorted. I firmly stand by this argument as I believe having everything in an orderly approach can, not only be soothing to the mind but also, will help boost efficiency exponentially. Minimalism can be soothing to the brain since there is less amount of things to process. In other words, having a premises with the bare minimum of physical material is considered to be extremely appealing to the eyes, therefore whenever we see things which are in a minimalist orderly way our brains would have lesser things to process and as a consequence, it can reduce stress levels while soothing the brain. For an example; my bedroom consists of a bed, table and a closet only and due to this, even after an exhausting day my mood will always be at a high level. Being organised can elevate efficiency at work as everything is in order. Put it differently, our brains are wired in a way to process things in a chronological pattern, hence having everything sorted will make us process things faster and become someone into a more productive and an efficient person. For an example; my work emails are sorted in a way that newly received mails always show on top while the oldest would appear on the bottom of the screen. In addition to this, I always flag emails which are of utmost importance to me, thus they will appear always first regardless how old it is. By following this method, it is guaranteed that the amount of time spent during searching emails are kept to a bare minimum while never missing out on any mails which, ultimately contributes to work productivity. In conclusion, the minimalist orderly lifestyle can assist someone to become more relaxed and alleviate stress levels, additionally it can also improve the work environment more productive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that it is vital to have your premises and the work-area
Consider replacing "in a well-organised way" with the adverb for "well-organised"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a well-organised way
and where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
is sorted
. I
firmly
stand by this argument as I believe having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
in an orderly approach can, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be soothing to the mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
boost efficiency
exponentially
.

Minimalism can be soothing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
since there is less amount of things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
.
In other words
, having
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a premise" or simply "premises"?
a premises
with the bare minimum of physical material
is considered
to be
extremely
appealing to the eyes,
therefore
whenever we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things which are in a minimalist orderly way our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
would have lesser things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
and as a consequence, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels while soothing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
. For an example; my bedroom consists of a bed, table and a closet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and due to this, even after an exhausting day my mood will always be at a high level.

Being
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
can elevate efficiency at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
is in order. Put it
differently
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
are wired
in a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
things in a chronological pattern,
hence
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
sorted will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
things faster and become someone into a more productive and an efficient person. For an example; my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
emails
are sorted
in a way that
newly
received mails always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on top while the oldest would appear
The usual prepositions to use with bottom or top is "at" not "in". Did you mean "at the bottom"?
on the bottom
of the screen.
In addition
to this, I always flag emails which are of utmost importance to me,
thus
they will
The adverb 'always' is usually put before the verb 'appear'.
appear always
first
regardless how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
it is. By following this method, it
is guaranteed
that the amount of time spent during searching emails are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
to a bare minimum while never missing out on any mails which,
ultimately
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity.

In conclusion
, the minimalist orderly lifestyle can assist someone to become more relaxed and alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels,
additionally
it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment more productive.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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