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Some people say that it is better for young people to take a gap year before entering university while others believe that it would be more beneficial to finish university first. Discuss both sides

Some people say that it is better for young people to take a gap year before entering university while others believe that it would be more beneficial to finish university first. Discuss both sides 3AYJ5
It is believed that to takea gap year before entering university for young people whereas others believe that it would be more beneficial to finish university first. In my opinion, it is benefits take a gap year. One the one hand it can be argued that take a gap year for students disfonsed because of constrant pressure from school. Also go to the abroad can be self-analysis as well as find the best life direction bused on it. In the other words opt for future proffession as well as build carreer path. It is true fact that not all families are able to support their children's for futher education because offinancial difficulties. Following this, my suggestion that one or two years makes sufficiant money for education as well as then apply for this. One the another hand, the option to start study straight to university after school as possible. In this way, they can become loss of educational desire due to individual cam become money-convious as well as has no will to numers in the sphere of education. Secondly, fesh studious mind ready to absorb academic knowledge. Finally, having diploma of university can open door to better working opportunity in the future and starting career path much earlier. In onclusion, although it seems to me that taking a gap year is more likely to be successful in their career and study. I personally prefer the take a gap year before entering university
It
is believed
that to
Possible spelling mistake found.
takea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whereas others believe that it would be more beneficial to finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
first
. In my opinion, it is benefits take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
year.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand it can
be argued
that take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
for students
Possible spelling mistake found.
disfonsed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
constrant
pressure from school.
Also
go to the abroad can be self-analysis as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as find the best life direction bused on it. In the other words opt for future
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffession
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as build
Possible spelling mistake found.
carreer
path. It is true fact that not all families are able to support their children's for
Possible spelling mistake found.
futher
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
offinancial
difficulties. Following this, my suggestion that one or two years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Possible spelling mistake found.
sufficiant
money for education as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as then apply for this.

One the another hand, the option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
study straight to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after school as possible. In this way, they can become loss of educational desire due to individual cam become
Possible spelling mistake found.
money-convious
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as has no will to
Possible spelling mistake found.
numers
in the sphere of education.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
fesh
studious mind ready to absorb academic knowledge.
Finally
, having diploma of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can open door to better working opportunity in the future and starting career path much earlier.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
onclusion
, although it seems to me that taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is more likely to be successful in their career and study. I
personally
prefer the take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
university
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IELTS essay Some people say that it is better for young people to take a gap year before entering university while others believe that it would be more beneficial to finish university first. Discuss both sides

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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