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Some people say that in order to be happy , you must have a job you love doing .Others say that other factors are more important.

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. 662wK
In our life we must have some important things, such as, it may be our health, children, and also wealth. In order to achieve these objects, you have to have a lucrative job. In fact, in this theme people’s opinions are different, because some people believe you must work your favourite job which is you love, however others argue them. So they think, if you have good-paying or respective job, you should work this occupation, although, you do not love it. In this essay, I will provide my ideas and supporting reasons. It is relatively complicated answer in society, which is always cause of many questions. Undoubtedly, most of people think, you should work in respective jobs, because, you can earn a lot of money and you may love your job during your working time. For example, so many people do not like their job, before they are accepted this job, then they have started enjoying from their work when they totally understand it and earn a lot of money from it. Consequently, they may be happy through their occupation, and contribute development of society. In my opinion, people must choose working their favourite job. If people completely do not like their job, money or other things can not keep them at this job. For instance, in my country one of five people have to finish their career, because they dislike their jobs. On the other hand, people who love their job, achieve a lot of successes and they enjoy from doing lovely work. So, people can be happy with their favourite job, because human spend most part of their time in work. In conclusion, people seldom may achieve happiness by their disliked job. However, this condition may occur in one of ten cases. So, people try to choose a job that suits them. In short, in order for a person to be happy he must have a certain profession and love it.
In our life we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things, such as, it may be our health, children, and
also
wealth. In order to achieve these objects, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have a lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
fact, in this theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
,
however
others argue them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, if you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-paying or respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, you should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
this occupation, although, you do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
it. In this essay, I will provide my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and supporting reasons.

It is
relatively
complicated answer in society, which is always
Consider using a past participle here: "caused".
cause
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions.
Undoubtedly
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, you should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, you can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and you may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during your working time.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
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before
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, then they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
enjoying from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they
totally
understand it and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from it.
Consequently
, they may be happy through their occupation, and contribute development of society.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose working their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
completely do not like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, money or other things can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
, in my country one of five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
finish their career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they dislike their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
successes and
they enjoy from doing lovely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be happy with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human spend most part of their time in work.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seldom may achieve happiness by their disliked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, this condition may occur in one of ten cases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that suits them. In short, in order for a person to be happy he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a certain profession and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
it.
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IELTS essay Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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