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SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT HOMESCHOOLING IS BETTER THAN THE CONVENTIONAL ONE.OTHERS SAY THE OPPOSITE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT HOMESCHOOLING IS BETTER THAN THE CONVENTIONAL ONE. OTHERS SAY THE OPPOSITE. k5588
People have different opinion about whether homeschooling is better or the traditional one. While I agree that home tutoring can be beneficial in some aspects, in my opinion, regular schools would be more helpful in overall development. In this essay I am going to discuss about both the sides and provide my opinion. To begin with, home tutoring encourages great teacher student bonding and customized syllabus can save children from unnecessary burden of all the subjects. Furthermore, children can learn from the comfort of their homes and save great deal of travelling time. However, it may slow down their pace of learning. For instance, it is been proven in many researches that children are most receptive to acquire knowledge during early years. Hence it is crucial to expose them to multi-dimensional and proven learning model of regular schooling. On the contrary, attending the school makes children more competitive. It will help them build social skills as well, since they will be making friends from different backgrounds and cultures. Moreover, conventional schooling promotes overall development of the child. For example, in addition to focusing just on studies children take part in inter school competitions and perform extracurricular activities like singing, dancing etc. Additionally, exploring all the subjects during early days would be helpful to discover child’s interests which can be nurtured in the future. To conclude, both home tutoring and conventional schooling have advantages as well as disadvantages. Although, studying both the views we can definitely say that traditional schooling plays a vital role in developing the future of the child.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion about whether homeschooling is better or the traditional one. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that home tutoring can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects, in my opinion, regular schools would be more helpful in
overall
development. In this essay I am going to
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
the sides and provide my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, home tutoring encourages great teacher student bonding and customized syllabus can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from unnecessary burden of all the subjects.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn from the comfort of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and save great deal of travelling time.
However
, it may slow down their pace of learning.
For instance
, it
is been
proven in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are most receptive to acquire knowledge during early years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is crucial to expose them to multi-dimensional and proven learning model of regular schooling.

On the contrary
, attending the school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more competitive. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them build social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
, since they will be making friends from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and cultures.
Moreover
, conventional schooling promotes
overall
development of the child.
For example
,
in addition
to focusing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in inter school competitions and perform extracurricular activities like singing, dancing etc.
Additionally
, exploring all the subjects during early days would be helpful to discover child’s interests which can
be nurtured
in the future.

To conclude
, both home tutoring and conventional schooling have advantages
as well
as disadvantages.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, studying both the views we can definitely say that traditional schooling plays a vital role in developing the future of the child.
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IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT HOMESCHOOLING IS BETTER THAN THE CONVENTIONAL ONE. OTHERS SAY THE OPPOSITE.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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