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Some people say that historical buildings should be knocked down while others say that they should be preserved. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that historical buildings should be knocked down while others say that they should be preserved. v. 2
People have different perspectives on whether to keep ancient constructions or to rebuild modern skyscrapers. However, while many people consider that historical buildings should be kept for educational purposes or as travel landmarks, I personally believe that governments ought to demolish them instead of building high-rise apartments. Firstly, the main reason for protecting heritage sites is that they retain values relating to human history and educating the public by accessing the physical site. For instance, in western countries, some museums and castles have been renovated inside for the purpose of exhibiting some ancient tools, remarkable paintings or vivid sculptures. The artefacts often have descriptions written with them in order to help children, tourists and the public comprehend their uses, historical stories and content as well as to appreciate the beauty of the art. If governments organize public heritage sites, then they can attract a large number of tourists to their nations which can help them to increase their understanding about their nations culture and history. On the other hand, even though old constructions have their values, there is no doubt that if too many derelict buildings remain in cities, it is difficult to see the positive impacts on countries' developments and it cannot tackle the issue of overpopulation. For example, in high populating areas, governments should let construction firms have planning permission to remove the slum areas and replace them with high- rise apartments. This is so that the residents can live comfortably and the homeless have a place to stay too. In addition, the high rise apartments can reduce risks associated with unstable structures which could be fatal to people, especially if a natural disaster occurs, such as earthquakes. In conclusion, although some historical buildings still have value to people, the concern of countries' progression and overpopulation issues means that governments should take into account the possibility of reorganizing the out-of-date buildings. Therefore, I believe we should build high- rise apartments instead of retaining every historical building in order to combat the issue raised above.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives on whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ancient constructions or to rebuild modern skyscrapers.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
for educational purposes or as travel landmarks, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
ought to demolish them
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
high-rise apartments.

Firstly
, the main reason for protecting heritage sites is that they retain values relating to human history and educating the public by accessing the physical site.
For instance
, in western countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
museums and castles have
been renovated
inside for the purpose of exhibiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ancient tools, remarkable paintings or vivid sculptures. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have descriptions written with them in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children, tourists and the public comprehend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
stories and content
as well
as to appreciate the beauty of the art. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
organize public heritage sites, then they can attract
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
tourists to their nations which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to increase their understanding about their nations culture and history.

On the other hand
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
constructions have their values, there is no doubt that if too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
derelict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
remain in cities, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on countries' developments and it cannot tackle the issue of overpopulation.
For example
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
populating areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
construction firms have planning permission to remove the slum areas and replace them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-
rise apartments. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the residents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
and the homeless have a place to stay too.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
rise apartments can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with unstable structures which could be fatal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
if a natural disaster occurs, such as earthquakes.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
still
have value to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the concern of countries' progression and overpopulation issues means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should take into account the possibility of reorganizing the out-of-date
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Therefore
, I believe we should build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-
rise apartments
instead
of retaining every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
in order to combat the issue raised above.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say that historical buildings should be knocked down while others say that they should be preserved. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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