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Some people say that government should spemdmoney on promoting healthy lifestyle but some say that on treatment of people who are already ill.discuss both viws and give your opinion

Some people say that government should spemdmoney on promoting healthy lifestyle but some say that on treatment of people who are already ill. discuss both viws and give your opinion GLEY2
The society is divided into two segments on expenditure of public money, whether money should be spent on increasing awareness about Healthy lifestyle or on the treatment of individuals who are already suffering from various health hazards. I personally opine that both view points are equally important, which I will discuss in upcoming paragraphsWhat could be the plausible reasons behind this first notion. Although there are many, the top note is that promoting a sound lifestyle among citizens would be beneficial as it will result in awareness in youth. The youth of any nation is known to be base of a Nation's bright future. As a result, promotion of healthy living will directly affect the development of a particular nation. Not only this, spending on promoting healthy among people who are not ill will definitely cost less in comparison to provide drugs to the patients suffering from various hazards eilments. As well as, it could we bring more positive outcomes. As it is widely known that purchasing cost of medicines to the serious diseases is pay more higher than cost of campaigns done for promotion of Healthy lifestyle. However, the government should spend money on the treating of people who are already ill. Firstly, Every citizen have rights related to their needs. So they have also right to take treatments when they are facing any disease. Therefore, the national authority should allocate some funds for providing appropriate treatment to the needy people. secondly, it is also helpful to promote equality between individuals. so higher authority should spend money on the treating diseases. To conclude, government should spend public money on both to promote the Healthy lifestyle and on treatment of people who are already ill.
The society
is divided
into two segments on expenditure of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
on increasing awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
or on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already suffering from various health hazards. I
personally
opine that both view points are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, which I will discuss in upcoming
Possible spelling mistake found.
paragraphsWhat
could be the plausible reasons behind this
first
notion. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, the top note is that promoting a sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
among citizens would be beneficial as it will result in awareness in youth. The youth of any nation
is known
to be base of a Nation's bright future.
As a result
, promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living will
directly
affect the development of a particular nation. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, spending on promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not ill will definitely cost less
in comparison
to provide drugs to the patients suffering from various hazards
Possible spelling mistake found.
eilments
.
As well
as, it could we bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes. As it is
widely
known that purchasing cost of medicines to the serious diseases is pay
Use only "higher" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more higher
than cost of campaigns done for promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the treating of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already ill.
Firstly
, Every citizen have rights related to their needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they have
also
right to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
when they are facing any disease.
Therefore
, the national authority should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds for providing appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
to the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, it is
also
helpful to promote equality between individuals.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
higher authority should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the treating diseases.
To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on both to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already ill.
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IELTS essay Some people say that government should spemdmoney on promoting healthy lifestyle but some say that on treatment of people who are already ill. discuss both viws and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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