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Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v.5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 5
Many people think that giving some money to children on a weekly basis will assist them in becoming more capable when they grow older. I personally disagree with the statement and the following essay will discuss some of my reasons for disagreement. Firstly, by giving a small amount of money to children regularly we are not teaching them about being independent. It is a fact that children are learning many things from their parents in the early age and parents must do their best in becoming a good role model for them. By giving money to children routinely, these parents are teaching their children that they do not have to work hard or do something important to earn money. They will learn that someone will give them some money every week which they could spend on. For example, I can recall some of my cousins who regularly get a good amount of money from their parents and yet they have not build up any habit of being independent or any sense of saving money for the rainy days. Secondly, the money could be misused by the children as they could spend it for buying inappropriate stuff. It is undeniable that children are not yet mature and do not have the wisdom in managing their own money. They might purchase things which might be inappropriate for them, especially in third world countries where children are allowed to buy cigarettes or alcoholic beverages. Many teenagers, for example, get money from their parents and spend those for buying drugs or cigarettes which eventually harm their future rather than making any good. In conclusion, some people believe giving children a small amount of money each week would help them in becoming more capable when they become adults. I do not agree with the statement as I believe that it could spoil them and the money could be misused. I agree if parents would teach children to earn some money by having a part-time job during the summer holiday, therefore they will appreciate their income and spend it wisely.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on a weekly basis will assist them in becoming more capable when they grow older. I
personally
disagree with the statement and the following essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my reasons for disagreement.

Firstly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regularly
we are not teaching them about being independent. It is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the early age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do their best in becoming a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role model for them. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
routinely
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They will learn that someone will give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every week which they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on.
For example
, I can recall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my cousins who
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
yet
they have not build up any habit of being independent or any sense of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the rainy days.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be misused
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they could
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
buying inappropriate stuff. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
yet
mature and do not have the wisdom in managing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things which might be inappropriate for them,
especially
in third world countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
cigarettes or alcoholic beverages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
those for buying drugs or cigarettes which
eventually
harm their future
rather
than making any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
each week would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in becoming more capable when they become adults. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as I believe that it could spoil them and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be misused
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by having a part-time job during the summer holiday,
therefore
they will appreciate their income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
it
wisely
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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