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Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v.3

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 3
It is common that many parents today offer nominal sums of money to their children weekly. Some people assert that this method of financial gifting would develop certain independent skills required for children in the long run. I personally agree that this would make children more capable and skilled in money management as they grow older for various reasons but would possess some dangers that cannot be ignored. To begin with, one of the major advantages of this practice is the accomplishment of the knowledge about money management in childhood. Moreover, it is a fact that childhood is the formative period of life. Therefore, if children are taught such skills, certainly that would strengthen their ability to confront with various skills and tribulations in the long run. Another merit of this act is that this money could be used for their personal needs especially in emergency situations. To cite an example, children can effectively manage incidences like the unexpected cancellation of the public transport and strikes and so on. Besides, the habit of saving can be cultivated and parents can keep them happy and satisfied and thereby strengthen the family bonds. On the other hand, it can be noticed that children are just agile and fun-loving in nature, who are not always physically and mentally matured enough to take informed decisions about money. These youngsters, who are tender-minded, could use this money for various purposes such as smoking, drug addiction and for amazing latest trendy gadgets. The result would be even more disastrous as it would surge the number of crimes in the society. To cite an example, many evil minded people could take it as a source of revenue by cheating and harming the vulnerable children for the money. In conclusion, I believe that though weekly allowance by parents to children has some positive sides, the negative aspect of this practice is much less rosy than many people think it is.
It is common that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
offer nominal sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
weekly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that this method of financial gifting would develop certain independent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the long run. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more capable and skilled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management as they grow older for various reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the major advantages of this practice is the accomplishment of the knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management in childhood.
Moreover
, it is a fact that childhood is the formative period of life.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
certainly
that would strengthen their ability to confront with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and tribulations in the long run. Another merit of this act is that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for their personal needs
especially
in emergency situations. To cite an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
effectively
manage incidences like the unexpected cancellation of the public transport and strikes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Besides
, the habit of saving can
be cultivated
and parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them happy and satisfied and thereby strengthen the family bonds.

On the other hand
, it can
be noticed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
agile and fun-loving in nature, who are not always
physically
and mentally matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take informed decisions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. These youngsters, who are tender-minded, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for various purposes such as smoking, drug addiction and for amazing latest trendy gadgets. The result would be even more disastrous as it would surge the number of crimes in the society. To cite an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
evil minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could take it as a source of revenue by cheating and harming the vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the money.

In conclusion
, I believe that though weekly allowance by parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of this practice is much less rosy than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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