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Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v.4

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 4
Nowadays, a growing number of people encourage parents to grant a small amount of pocket money weekly to their children. This is because they believe that giving weekly money to young children would enhance their financial management skills in future. However, some childcare organisations and guardians ask parents to avoid giving money to their juvenile. They claim that handing over money to their adolescents in early age might have deleterious impacts. However, I strongly assert that children have the right to receive a lump sum amount of money weekly so that they can readily fulfil their personal necessities and can learn better money management from an early stage of their life. Firstly, it is intuitively obvious that teenagers who receive weekly pocket money from their parents can become experts in finance management in the future life. Additionally, they involve practically in financial matters and since they have limited amount they persist and strive in order to accomplish all their necessities without crossing financial boundaries. Alternatively, granting money to offspring on a weekly basis have other uncountable benefits such as they become familiar with the methodology of bargaining. Moreover, children who want to buy a specific toy or gadget for themselves start accumulating money in their fantastic treasure boxes. As a result, they can primarily go through the sophisticated process of saving money. Ultimately, it is extremely fundamental for parents to allocate a small budget weekly for their children because children's necessities are as mandatory as elder's. On top of this, the biggest demerit of not delivering pocket money to children is that they become a victim of inferiority complexity. Last but not the least, they often create social distances from their friends and family members. On the contrary, it is undoubtedly acknowledged that children who start possessing money in their younger ages can instantly involve in illegal activities and bad habits. For instance, drinking alcoholic beverages, taking drugs and smoking require money and children who have money can incline to these bad habits. There are ample evidence to suggest that children who receive extra cash for their necessities are highly likely to commit crimes and get involved in bad habits. In conclusion, although offspring who do not grab a single penny from their parents are somewhat protected from getting into bad habits like smoking and alcoholic addictions, but in my opinion, parents should provide freedom to their kids in terms of purchasing their favourite and desired products and gadgets. As a result, they would probably become experts in purchasing, financial management, saving as well as bargaining.
Nowadays, a growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to grant a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and guardians ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to avoid giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their juvenile. They claim that handing over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their adolescents in early age might have deleterious impacts.
However
, I
strongly
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the right to receive a lump sum amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
readily
fulfil their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessities
and can learn better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
from an early stage of their life.

Firstly
, it is
intuitively
obvious that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
experts in finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
in the future life.
Additionally
, they involve
practically
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
matters and since they have limited amount they persist and strive in order to accomplish all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessities
without crossing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
boundaries.
Alternatively
, granting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to offspring on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
basis have other uncountable benefits such as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with the methodology of bargaining.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a specific toy or gadget for themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
accumulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their fantastic treasure boxes.
As a result
, they can
primarily
go through the sophisticated process of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Ultimately
, it is
extremely
fundamental for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to allocate a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
budget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessities
are as mandatory as elder's. On top of this, the biggest demerit of not delivering pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a victim of inferiority complexity. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
create social distances from their friends and family members.

On the contrary
, it is
undoubtedly
acknowledged that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their younger ages can
instantly
involve in illegal activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits.
For instance
, drinking alcoholic beverages, taking drugs and smoking require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can incline to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits. There are ample evidence to suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
receive extra cash for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessities
are
highly
likely to commit crimes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits.

In conclusion
, although offspring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not grab a single penny from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are somewhat protected from getting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits like smoking and alcoholic addictions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should provide freedom to their kids in terms of purchasing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
and desired products and gadgets.
As a result
, they would
probably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
experts in purchasing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
, saving
as well
as bargaining.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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