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Some people say that doing a team sport, such as soccer or basketball, is very popular because it has many benefits. What are the advantages of doing a team sport?

Some people say that doing a team sport, such as soccer or basketball, is very popular because it has many benefits. What are the advantages of doing a team sport? YReG5
It can be said that sports have become more and more popular nowadays. We can see people at any age and any jobs doing sports, especially team sports like soccer and basketball all over the world. In my opinion, participation in sport, especially team sports, offers some benefits. Firstly, team sports provide many positive things for mental health. After a long time studying, sport is a way of releasing stress and pressure from school. Therefore, after exercises, the lessons will be automatically easier to understand and to learn. Secondly, team sports give people the opportunity to develop interpersonal skills such as teamwork and communication skills. For example, teamwork also helps them build confidence in themselves and trust in someone else. Besides that, this is a great chance to meet new friends and make more friends. The last one is that team sports play an important role in improving the health of players. Because, sports usually involve moving good distances when playing which can provide a significant calorie burn and thus be greatly beneficial to losing body fat. Furthermore, playing sports helps players prevent some diseases such as bones, cardiovascular diseases. In conclusion, team sports offer many benefits to players ranging from physical, mental to social improvements. That is the reason why even when you are extremely busy, joining a team sport club is always a good idea if you want to live a full life
It can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have become more and more popular nowadays. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at any age and any jobs doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like soccer and basketball all over the world. In my opinion, participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things for mental health. After a long time studying,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a way of releasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure from school.
Therefore
, after exercises, the lessons will be
automatically
easier to understand and to learn.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the opportunity to develop interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, teamwork
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them build confidence in themselves and trust in someone else.
Besides
that, this is a great chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends.

The last one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in improving the health of players.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
usually
involve moving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
distances when playing which can provide a significant calorie burn and
thus
be
greatly
beneficial to losing body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
Furthermore
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases such as bones, cardiovascular diseases.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to players ranging from physical, mental to social improvements.
That is
the reason why even when you are
extremely
busy, joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
club is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
if you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a full
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
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IELTS essay Some people say that doing a team sport, such as soccer or basketball, is very popular because it has many benefits. What are the advantages of doing a team sport?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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