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Some people believe that people do criminal behavior come from external factors give opinion

Some people believe that people do criminal behavior come from external factors give opinion mXQNN
A handful of individuals argue that felony act is come from external factors, however, some persons say that this kind of activity has a genetic influence. From my perspective, I will side with the former one because of a couple of reasons. Nowadays the adolescents find violent movies magnificent because they agree that it is not tedious nor monotonous, hence, it ameliorates their mood and horizons on criminal activities. For example, in India approximately 92% of felonies from effect household commit heinous crimes due to the fact that they watch action series 24 hours. Moreover, a bunch of negative influence from schools such as the students forcing other learners to break the red tape. On the other hand, because of the breakthrough of numerous juggernaut researches related to this a ton f doctors agree that this is cause by genetic influence. it brings detrimental issues. For instance, a son of criminal in Tokyo claimed that doing these actions run in their family. Furthermore, the children doo what they see at their homes without thinking its consequences and hindrances it may provide. From my point of view, the genes are not connected and should not be related in any terms. To exemplify, people should learn what is right and wrong eradicate negatives obtain perfect perfect learnings. On top of that, violent video games and movies play an enormous role in this issue and the parents should pay attention do that heinous crimes can be prevented. At the end of the day I believe that genes do not influence criminal behavior, on the contrary, the external factors are the reasons.
A handful of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "argues"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'argue' is not always incorrect.)
argue
that felony act is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from external factors,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons say that this kind of activity has a genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
. From my perspective, I will side with the former one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a couple of reasons.

Nowadays the adolescents find violent movies magnificent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is not tedious nor monotonous,
hence
, it ameliorates their mood and horizons on criminal activities.
For example
, in India approximately 92% of felonies from effect household commit heinous crimes due to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
action series 24 hours.
Moreover
, a bunch of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
from schools such as the students forcing other learners to break the red tape.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the breakthrough of numerous juggernaut researches related to this a ton f doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is
Did you mean "caused"?
cause
by genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
brings detrimental issues.
For instance
, a son of criminal in Tokyo claimed that doing these actions run in their family.
Furthermore
, the children
Possible spelling mistake found.
doo
what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
at their homes without thinking its consequences and hindrances it may provide.

From my point of view, the genes are not connected and should not
be related
in any terms. To exemplify,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should learn what is right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
eradicate negatives obtain
Possible typo: you repeated a word
perfect perfect
learnings.
On top of that
, violent video games and movies play an enormous role in this issue and the parents should pay attention do that heinous crimes can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day I believe that genes do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
criminal behavior,
on the contrary
, the external factors are the reasons.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that people do criminal behavior come from external factors give opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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