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Some people say that best way to improve public health

Some people say that best way to improve public health Y2GKd
It is believed by many that the most effective method to benefit the health of the public, is by adding more sports facilities, while others believe that to make a significant impact on the public health other methods should be implemented as well. Sports facilities will improve the public health immensely, however, it will not be beneficial to every one given the lifestyle of modern people. On one hand, sports facilities plays a dominant role, when health of the public is concerned. Facilities with exercising equipment and positive environment for every person will result in increased number of people engaged in daily exercises. Daily physical activities are important for the health of an individual, since it will reduce the risk of diabetes, cholesterol, and heart diseases. People will be more energetic and the mental issues will also be controlled, owing to confidence gained by engaging in exercises. As an example, new walking paths developed for exercising and walking improved the health of older generation in Sri Lanka. On the other hand, with the modern busy lifestyle individuals hardly have free time to exercise. Furthermore, the reduced time to exercise will diminish the mental and physical health remarkably. Addition to this, nowadays people prefer a sedentary lifestyle, which is detrimental to their health. Therefore, success of improved number of sports centres will be a questionable decision. To illustrate, working population rarely have extra time to do physical activities and on top of that they will spend their free time inactively as well. Therefor other methods are required to increase public health, such as healthy diet and education on the importance of health. In conclusion, adding more sports facilities is believed to be the best way to improve public health, even though some believe that it will not have a major effect. According to my view, i believe that there will be improvements in public health, it will be a insignificant impact. Therefore, requirement of other measures will be needed.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the most effective method to benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, is by adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, while others believe that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods should
be implemented
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
facilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
immensely
,
however
, it will not be beneficial to every one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the lifestyle of modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities plays a dominant role, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
is concerned
. Facilities with exercising equipment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment for every person will result in increased number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
engaged in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. Daily physical activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of an individual, since it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of diabetes, cholesterol, and heart diseases.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will be more energetic and the mental issues will
also
be controlled
, owing to confidence gained by engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. As an example, new walking paths developed for exercising and walking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of older generation in Sri Lanka.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, with the modern busy lifestyle individuals hardly have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will diminish the mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
remarkably
. Addition to this, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer a sedentary lifestyle, which is detrimental to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Therefore
, success of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
will be a questionable decision. To illustrate, working population rarely have extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do physical activities and
on top of that
they will spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
inactively
as well
. Therefor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods
are required
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, such as healthy diet and education on the importance of health.

In conclusion
, adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
is believed
to be the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it will not have a major effect. According to my view,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that there will be improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, it will be
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
insignificant impact.
Therefore
, requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures will
be needed
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that best way to improve public health

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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