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Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience. v.4

Children development require various components which are always contreversial during the time. A number of people argue that some areas like music, arts and drama are significant importance on chilren’s development, thus their weight shoul be increased in school’s curriculum. Because, these kind of areas have important effect on children mental and phsyciological structure, I agree this aspect. When children have growing, they influence and benefit diverse social science. This subjects such as art, music, drama have essential role for rise to creativity and evaluate life with difeerent side. Art habits and knowledge which been acquired in early child times feed feeling and personal relationship during person life. Mostly, schools prepare timetable acording to make children have job, as a result of this timetable include course about positive science and art areas may stay behind. On the contary, study research which is conducted by Cambridge University display that children who expose more course and application are more succesful than others. Countries like Russia and China which give more precious to areas like music, art and drama gain a lot of succecful in wordwide with their musicians and artists. On the other hand, music, art and drama ensure to inrease adaptation different topics simultaneously. So, if children grows with these qualification, they will be more active and effective in their business life. Beside, these areas also offer new job opportunity to children. They can discover to tendency and ability as long as they met and learns information about art areas. In conlusion, subjects like music, art and drama are fundemental and important to children development, rising their presence ensure benefit for chilren and their societies.
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Children
development require various components which are always
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contreversial
during the time. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
are significant importance on
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chilren
’s development,
thus
their weight
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shoul
be increased
in school’s curriculum.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘kind’. Did you mean “this kind” or “these kinds”?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mental and
Possible spelling mistake found.
phsyciological
structure, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this aspect.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have growing, they influence and benefit diverse social science. This subjects such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
have essential role for rise to creativity and evaluate life with
Possible spelling mistake found.
difeerent
side.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
habits and knowledge which
been acquired
in early child times feed feeling and personal relationship during person life.
Mostly
, schools prepare timetable
Possible spelling mistake found.
acording
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have job,
as a result
of this timetable include course about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
may stay behind. On the
Possible spelling mistake found.
contary
, study research which
is conducted
by Cambridge University display that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who expose more course and application are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
than others. Countries like Russia and China which give more precious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
succecful
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
wordwide
with their musicians and artists.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
ensure to
Possible spelling mistake found.
inrease
adaptation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
topics
simultaneously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grows with
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘qualification’. Did you mean “this qualification” or “these qualifications”?
these qualification
, they will be more active and effective in their business life.
Did you mean “besides” (= apart from that) which is commonly used to start a sentence?
Beside
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
also
offer new job opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They can discover to tendency and ability as long as they met and learns information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
areas.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conlusion
, subjects like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundemental
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development, rising their presence ensure benefit for
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilren
and their societies.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that subjects such as Music, Arts, Drama and Creative Writing will contribute a great deal to children’s development; therefore they should take a large part of the school timetable.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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