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Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

While there is a wide range of programs on TV, entertaining ones always outnumber other types of TV programs. This is obviously the reflection of viewers’ preferences. However, including educative skits about social ills in these entertainment programs undermines the inherent quality of these programs. Firstly, entertainment programs, as their name suggests, exist to entertain people. With the growing competition from the internet and other streaming websites, TV is struggling to retain its viewers, so they offer various entertainment programs. Most people, however, watch them because they are already tired of problems. After a busy working day, people come home to relax, not to worry about issues that exist in their society. While I concede that it is possible to reach out to millions of people with a subtle message about, say, a recent corruption incident, too much of this kind of communication undermines the inherent quality of these programs, which is to entertain people. Another reason why entertaining shows should not pursue such intention is the lack of depth and expert knowledge they can offer about social problems. Entertainers try to offer their solutions and opinions about social issues, but they often end up scratching the surface of the matter or totally twisting it so that they fit it with their political beliefs. For this reason, I think entertainment programs should continue to entertain people, and programs that are created for the purpose of educating people often appeal to people who want to learn about social problems, where they can see the discourse set-up by people who know what they are talking about. In conclusion, there are already enough programs to educate people about social problems and entertainment shows lose their intrinsic purpose if they try to educate people. For these reasons, I completely disagree with those who contend that TV programs should educate their viewers about problems in society. I wrote it in 39 minutes, 15 minutes of which I spent planning the essay. I ended up spending too much time on making an outline.
While there is a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on TV, entertaining ones always outnumber other types of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. This is
obviously
the reflection of viewers’ preferences.
However
, including educative skits about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
ills in these entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
undermines the inherent quality of these programs.

Firstly
, entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, as their name suggests, exist to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. With the growing competition from the internet and other streaming websites, TV is struggling to retain its viewers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they offer various entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are already tired of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. After a busy working day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home to relax, not to worry about issues that exist in their society. While I concede that it is possible to reach out to millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a subtle message about, say, a recent corruption incident, too much of this kind of communication undermines the inherent quality of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, which is to entertain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another reason why entertaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
should not pursue such intention is the lack of depth and expert knowledge they can offer about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Entertainers try to offer their solutions and opinions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up scratching the surface of the matter or
totally
twisting it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they fit it with their political beliefs.
For this reason
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
should continue to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that
are created
for the purpose of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
appeal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the discourse set-up by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who know what they are talking about.

In conclusion
, there are already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
lose their intrinsic purpose if they try to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For these reasons, I completely disagree with those who contend that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
should educate their viewers about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in society.

I wrote it in 39 minutes, 15 minutes of which I spent planning the essay. I ended up spending too much time on making an outline.
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IELTS essay Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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