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Some people say that after finishing education adults can increase knowledge through continuous reading. Those who disagree say there are other ways to increase knowledge. What is your opinion ?

Some people say that after finishing education adults can increase knowledge through continuous reading. Those who disagree say there are other ways to increase knowledge. What is your opinion? domr7
The German philosopher Hegel once said that: "Education is the art of making man ethical". That is right, education is really important to our lives, and also is believed not to cease upon our graduation. While many people hold that learning can continue through other forms of learning. In my point of view, I strongly agree that we can also increase knowledge through travelling because of all the benefits it brings for us
The German philosopher Hegel once said that:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Education is the art of making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
ethical
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
That is
right, education is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and
also
is believed
not to cease upon our graduation.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold that learning can continue through other forms of learning. In my point of view, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we can
also
increase knowledge through travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of all the benefits it brings for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
us
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IELTS essay Some people say that after finishing education adults can increase knowledge through continuous reading. Those who disagree say there are other ways to increase knowledge. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
72 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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