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Many people beleive that schools should be premium. how far dou you agree

Many people beleive that schools should be premium. how far dou you agree LrJ9R
For human beings both physical and psychological ailments have become a serious social issue in many parts of the world. Despite psychological diseases are more invisible compared to physical, many tend to see physical inability of individuals are more acceptable to the society. Yet to the best of my knowledge, it would be injustice from humanitarian moral perspective. The first point to note is that it is obligation global community to become down to earth and create a link between each people, particularly among those victims of psychological disasters. This aid is essential to sufferers of this kind of disabilities plus beneficial to recipient person to return to their normal life. Humanitarian relief is simultaneously an instrument to rebalance social disparity of these people. For instance by putting themselves to patient’s shoes they would be able to recognize situation of diseased person. Furthermore humanitarian relief could create deep-rooted hospitality among unhealthy and healthy people which could be paid off in improvement in socializing morals. Noticeable examples could be seen in there: psychological disable people could shake off from their lonely life and join to public again. Lastly, as far as psychological patient people receive attention from people around them, it might lead to the boosting in their health and functions of their brain in a positive way, thereby opens up possibility of being normal person again. Admittedly it is correct that, critical observation has proved that probability of last state is just over than zero. Moreover it always become simpler to socialize with physical patients than psychological. To illustrate, in most cases comprehension skills of psychological abnormal people is extremely limited which is another obstacle for communicating with other people. As suggested above, one can reach a conclusion that society could reach equal attention for both physical and psychological ill people as well as isolated people could join to the public, as long as link between society and psychological invalids, were built on the humanitarian relief.
For human beings both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
ailments

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
have
become a serious social issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world.

Despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
diseases are more invisible compared to

physical,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
inability of individuals are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
acceptable to the society.
Yet
to the best of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
my


knowledge, it would be injustice from humanitarian moral

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
perspective
.

The
first
point to note is that it is obligation global community

to become down to earth and create a link between each

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
particularly
among those victims of psychological

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
disasters
. This aid is essential to sufferers of this kind
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


disabilities plus beneficial to recipient person to return to their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
normal
life. Humanitarian relief is
simultaneously
an instrument

to
Possible spelling mistake found.
rebalance
social disparity of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
by


putting themselves to patient’s shoes they would be able to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
recognize
situation of diseased person.
Furthermore


humanitarian relief could create deep-rooted hospitality among

unhealthy and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which could
be paid
off in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
improvement
in socializing morals. Noticeable examples
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
could


be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in there:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
disable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could shake off

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
their lonely life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to public again.
Lastly
, as far as

psychological patient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive attention from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


around them, it might lead to the boosting in their health and

functions of their brain in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way, thereby opens up

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
possibility
of being normal person again.

Admittedly
it is correct that, critical observation has proved that

probability of last state is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than zero.
Moreover
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it


always become simpler to socialize with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
patients than

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
psychological
. To illustrate,
in most cases
comprehension
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
skills


of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
abnormal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
extremely
limited which is

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
another
obstacle for communicating with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As suggested above, one can reach a conclusion that society

could reach equal attention for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and psychological

ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to the public, as

long as link between society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
invalids, were

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
built
on the humanitarian relief.
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IELTS essay Many people beleive that schools should be premium. how far dou you agree

Essay
  American English
33 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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