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some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don't really need. Others say that advertisements tells us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people think that public fund should be use for healthcare, infrastructure and employment which can benefit the general public while some governments spend huge money to train sport person for global sport competition. This essay will talk about public fund which wasted to train individuals and earn fame in the world. Also, it should be invested at right place so more people can take advatage. Governments are doing race to win medals in international sport competitions. So, they spent lot of public money to train sport person. For instance, many poor countries spent their money to train sport person and take a part in Olympic games. They have huge budget for promotion of competitions instead of basic needs for general public. It cost million of dollars to country to train individuals and sometime they cannot perform well in event because of some personal reasons. They should allocate certain package to sports. Many people think that public fund should be spent on crucial government sectors which can help people directly for medical purpose, infrastructure and employment. They cannot survice without basic needs of the life. In every poor countries, the main goal should be fulfilled primary needs of people. Some people die due to shortage of food and healthcare related issues. For example, sport person earn much better than top class businessman. So government should also encourage them to do some charity for poor people. In my opinion, training individuals can benefit to that person only and some extent to government. The general public always did not get sufficient benefits for their own money. So, governments should prioritized people's need and then after they can invest few money on peronal training.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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public
fund should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for healthcare, infrastructure and employment which can benefit the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
spend huge
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money
to
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train
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sport
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person
for global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
competition. This essay will talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
fund which wasted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
individuals and earn fame in the world.
Also
, it should
be invested
at right
Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more
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people
can take
Possible spelling mistake found.
advatage
.

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Governments
are doing race to win medals in international
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sport
competitions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they spent
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
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public
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money
to
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train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
For instance
,
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many
poor countries spent their
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money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
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sport
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person
and take a part in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
. They have huge budget for promotion of competitions
instead
of basic
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needs
for general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. It cost
Use “a million” or use a number before ‘million’.
million
of dollars to country to
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train
individuals and
It seems that “sometimes” fits better in this context. Please check.
sometime
they cannot perform well in
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event
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because
of
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some
personal reasons. They should allocate certain package to sports.

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Many
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people
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think
that
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public
fund should
be spent
on crucial
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government
sectors which can
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help
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people
directly
for medical purpose, infrastructure and employment. They cannot
Possible spelling mistake found.
survice
without basic
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needs
of the life. In every poor countries, the main goal should
be fulfilled
primary
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needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to shortage of food and healthcare related issues.
For example
,
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sport
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person
earn much better than top
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
businessman.
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So
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government
should
also
encourage them to do
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some
charity for poor
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people
.

In my opinion, training individuals can benefit to that
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person
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only
and
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some
extent to
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government
. The general
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public
always did not
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get
sufficient benefits for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
The modal verb ‘should’ requires the verb’s base form.
prioritized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
and then after they can invest few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
peronal
training.
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IELTS essay some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don't really need. Others say that advertisements tells us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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