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Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games

In today's world where we all have access to the internet, more and more children are playing computer games and their popularity is increasing all the time. This essay will look at the positive aspects these games can have and also the negative effects on children. Firstly, as education is becoming more demanding for many young people, computer games can provide a way of relaxing and reducing stress. Computer games can take us into different worlds where we can escape from reality. In addition to this, computer games today are very advanced and can help children develop their thinking skills. Instructions need to be understood and games often include complicated problems which need to be solved. However, there are also many problems with the increasing popularity of computer games. Many children become addicted to them and they play for hours, sometimes through the night. In South Korea, the government has banned children from playing games after midnight as the problem was so great and the effect on education was very negative. Furthermore, some children find it difficult to identify what is real and what is virtual. Some people argue that this has led to a rise in crime inspired by video games. This is not proven, but it is undeniable that games today can be very violent. To sum up, there are both advantages and disadvantages with computer games and it seems that parents need to exercise caution and monitor their children's activity as some games may be more suitable than others. (252 words)
In
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today
's world where we all have access to the internet, more and more
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children
are playing computer
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games
and their popularity is increasing all the time. This essay will look at the
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positive
aspects these
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games
can have and
also
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on children.

Firstly
, as education is becoming more demanding for
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many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can provide a way of relaxing and reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Computer
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games
can take us into
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different
worlds where we can escape from reality.
In addition
to this, computer
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
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very
advanced and can
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help
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children
develop their thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Instructions need to
be understood
and
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games
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often
include complicated problems which need to
be solved
.

However
, there are
also
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many
problems with the increasing popularity of computer
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games
.
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Many
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children
become addicted to
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they play for hours,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
through the night. In South Korea, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has banned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
after midnight as the problem was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
great and the effect on education was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
Furthermore
,
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some
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children
find it difficult to identify what is real and what is virtual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that this has led to a rise in crime inspired by video
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games
. This is not proven,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
violent.

To sum up, there are both advantages and disadvantages with computer
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
it seems that parents need to exercise caution and monitor their children's activity as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may be more suitable than others.

(252 words)
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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