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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? kOWO
There is no doubt that the number of products is consitently increasing in our market. While a number of buyer may think that advertisement initiates the exessive buying behaviour, I would argue that it provides more information to buyers so they would know which items can enhance their lives. It is evidently that new innovations are discovered each day thanks to the ever developing technolgy which results in more convenience products being provided to our society. For instance, as Apple and Samsung have introduced their new phone models in their annual press conference, their new inventions such as FaceID has made unlocking the phone in the winter become an effortess process while users do not have to remove their gloves. And without advertisement, it could be very challenging for buyers to know which is the last model with new functions and how would they distinguish themselves from the previous phones. In addition, advertisementplays an important role in enhancing the competition of the free market. International brands such as Microsoft, Sony or Nintendo are obviously globally well-known thanks to advertising promotion. Not only do people have more options to buy video games console ranging from Xbox, Playstation or Nintento Switch, video games company also utilise such competitive market to produce cross-gen games that people can play among their various platform. While this enables sellers to bring their products to different markets, buyers have more options and their purchases would come with a more competitive prices. In conclusion, although it is undeniably true that some company may consider avertising as an abusive means to sell unnecessary products, promotional activies is crucial to maintain a diversity and competitive open market which directly beneficial to buyers and sellers. In my view, advertising is a great tool to introduce and highlight new and innovative items to enhance our life.
There is no doubt that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
consitently
increasing in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. While a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyer
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertisement initiates the
Possible spelling mistake found.
exessive
buying
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, I would argue that it provides more information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would know which items can enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

It is
evidently
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
innovations
are discovered
each day thanks to the ever developing
Possible spelling mistake found.
technolgy
which results in more convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
being provided
to our society.
For instance
, as Apple and Samsung have introduced their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
phone models in their annual press conference, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
FaceID
has made unlocking the phone in the winter become an
Possible spelling mistake found.
effortess
process while users do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remove their gloves. And without advertisement, it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
to know which is the last model with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
functions and how would they distinguish themselves from the previous phones.

In addition
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisementplays
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in enhancing the competition of the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. International brands such as Microsoft, Sony or Nintendo are
obviously
globally well-known thanks to advertising promotion. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more options to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
video games console ranging from Xbox,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Playstation
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nintento
Switch, video games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
such competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
to produce cross-gen games that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can play among their various platform. While this enables sellers to bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
markets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
have more options and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a more competitive prices.

In conclusion
, although it is
undeniably
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may consider
Possible spelling mistake found.
avertising
as an abusive means to sell unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, promotional
Possible spelling mistake found.
activies
is crucial to maintain a diversity and competitive open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
which
directly
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buyers
and sellers. In my view, advertising is a great tool to introduce and highlight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and innovative items to enhance our life.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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