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Write about the following topic. Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? K2jR
Advertisement plays a significant role in today's world. It influences wide range of people and also has bought powers in favourable to consumers. Young people are more influenced through advertisement and tend to spend a lot on products which are of no use. The raise in technology has taken advertisement in to whole new level. But we need to consider if advertisements have positive impacts in people's lives. Both arguments have validity but personally, I would lean towards the former. Earlier we were not aware about different products that were available in market so we tend to keep are needs and wants at minimal. Therefore people lived a life with containment than those at present. Less advertisements platforms helped the previous generations, not to compete with others in society. They lived a life with satisfaction even with less products they owned. Younger generations, specially those who are at their teens are negatively influenced by the advertisements due to the large use of modern technologies. These people tend to live a dissatisfied life since their wants are never ending. Some repeated advertisements are said to create wants that we do not really need. For instance if a young boy uses a apple iphone6 he wishes to upgrade to iphone7 by the advertisements. It also creates tension and pressure among the society and leaves no choice other than buying the product. To conclude, Advertisements has increased the consumer knowledge on availability of new products at market. However I strongly agree that it has also increased the stress and pressure to buy goods that people, precisely has of no use. It has also increased the wants of individuals which tends them to buy luxury products, by eventually ending up in debts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
plays a significant role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. It influences wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
powers in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to consumers. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more influenced through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to spend a lot on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. The raise in technology has taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in to whole new level.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we need to consider if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Both arguments have validity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
personally
, I would lean towards the former.

Earlier we were not aware about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that were available in market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
are needs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
at minimal.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a life with containment than those at present.
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun advertisements is countable.
Less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
platforms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the previous generations, not to compete with others in society. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a life with satisfaction even with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun products is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
.

Younger generations,
specially
those who are at their teens are
negatively
influenced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
due to the large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern technologies. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a dissatisfied life since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
are never ending.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
repeated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are said
to create
Did you mean "wants us to"?
wants that we
do not
really
need.
For instance
if a young boy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
apple iphone6 he wishes to upgrade to iphone7 by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. It
also
creates tension and pressure among the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
no choice other than buying the product.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
has increased the consumer knowledge on availability of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at market.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it has
also
increased the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
precisely
has of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. It has
also
increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
of individuals which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tends
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, by
eventually
ending up in debts.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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