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Scientists And Technology Experts Seem To Be More Valued By Modern Society Than Musicians And Artists

Scientists And Technology Experts Seem To Be More Valued By Modern Society Than Musicians And Artists 2Wmo
These days, scholar and technology experts absolutely demanding than artists and musicians. I completely agree that, scientists make our world which, they invent a lot of things that, easiest human`s life. On the one hand, science and technology offer plenty of job opportunities. After graduation, university students can get find easily job because, every day build up new companies and work places. While it is true that it requires the same amount of hard work but, scientist get prosperity than artists. Because, development countries invest to scholars and one scholar success`s mean is countries accomplishment`s. For example, Japan government fund to universities and science centers after World War II and they see consequence in today. On the other hand, the art sector does not offer many employment areas and tiny young people get success in this field. Because, art people`s must have special skills and most painters, musicians and artists are struggling for enough platforms for showcase their talents. Furthermore, musicians need give a concert in clubs which, in some emergency situations, places like this are being closed. For example, during the Covid-19 pandemic situation, every government gave order for social places to be closed. In conclusion, it is true that scientists and engineers enjoy more respect than artists. While there are few extremely successful artists who earn exceptionally earn but, majority of scientist struggling for comfortable life.
These days, scholar and technology experts
absolutely
Use "(demanding)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
demanding
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and musicians. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our world which, they invent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things that,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the easiest".
easiest
The character between 'human' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "human’s" (curly apostrophe) or "human's" (straight apostrophe).
human`s
life.

On the one hand, science and technology offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of job opportunities. After graduation, university students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
find
easily
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, every day build up new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and work places. While it is true that it requires the same amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prosperity than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, development countries invest to scholars and one scholar
The character between 'success' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "success’s" (curly apostrophe) or "success's" (straight apostrophe).
success`s
mean is countries
The character between 'accomplishment' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "accomplishment’s" (curly apostrophe) or "accomplishment's" (straight apostrophe).
accomplishment`s
.
For example
, Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
fund to universities and science centers after World War
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
II and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
consequence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

On the other hand
, the art sector does not offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employment areas and tiny young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in this field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, art
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and most painters, musicians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are struggling for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
platforms for showcase their talents.
Furthermore
, musicians need give a concert in clubs which, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emergency situations, places like this are
being closed
.
For example
, during the Covid-19 pandemic situation, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gave order for social places to
be closed
.

In conclusion
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and engineers enjoy more respect than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. While there are few
extremely
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who earn
exceptionally
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
struggling for comfortable life.
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IELTS essay Scientists And Technology Experts Seem To Be More Valued By Modern Society Than Musicians And Artists

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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