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Some people say sport has an important role in society. However, others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v.1

Some people say sport has an important role in society. However, others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1
Some people believe that sport has changed dramatically due to advances in technology and media, becoming far more commercial and disconnected from society. 1, however, think it still has an important part to play in connecting countries in the cultural and political scenes. In the past, many ordinary people could identify themselves with sports and became motivated to engage in sports themselves. Albeit, this is no longer the case for the majority, who spend their free time on weekends, watching football matches with friends. According to some, nowadays there is too much coverage of sports on TV, aiming for higher view warships figures. It has fallen victim to advertisements from sponsors, thus becoming too commercial and has lost its original purpose for existence. It was a common belief watching sports on TV would encourage young people to be more physically active. Nevertheless, nowadays more youngsters are more eager to compete on game controllers than on a real pitch. If anything, watching their favourite athletes in play discourages them further because what professionals can do seems almost impossible for amateurs. Although I recognize the arguments given above, I still think the sport has more to offer than simply being a fee-time activity, For one thing, huge sports events such as the World Cup and the Olympics tend to draw people from different backgrounds, promoting cultural unity between countries. Apart from contributing to the tourism of the host country, it also relieves tensions between political states. The most recent World Cup event held in Russia, for instance, helped to improve the country's political image in the world. As a result, some of the economic sanctions have been lifted. Relieving economic and political tensions for the Russian government. After Visiting the World Cup host country, most people and also changed their minds about preconceived stereotypes about Russian people and their culture. In conclusion, watching sports programs on TV has indeed become more of a leisure activity. Though, global sports events still play an important role in promoting cultural unity and relieving political tensions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
due to advances in technology and media, becoming far more commercial and disconnected from society. 1,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
still
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part to play in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the cultural and political scenes.

In the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could identify themselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and became motivated to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
themselves. Albeit, this is no longer the case for the majority, who spend their free time on weekends, watching football matches with friends. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, nowadays there is too much coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV, aiming for higher view warships figures. It has fallen victim to advertisements from sponsors,
thus
becoming too commercial and has lost its original purpose for existence. It was a common belief watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV would encourage young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more
physically
active.
Nevertheless
, nowadays more youngsters are more eager to compete on game controllers than on a real pitch. If anything, watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
athletes in play discourages them
further
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what professionals can do seems almost impossible for amateurs.

Although I recognize the arguments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has more to offer than
simply
being a fee-time activity, For one thing, huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup and the Olympics tend to draw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds, promoting cultural unity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Apart from contributing to the tourism of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it
also
relieves tensions between political states. The most recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
held in Russia,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the country's political image in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
As a result
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
economic sanctions have
been lifted
. Relieving economic and political tensions for the Russian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. After Visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their minds about preconceived stereotypes about Russian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their culture.

In conclusion
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
programs on TV has
indeed
become more of a leisure activity. Though, global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
still
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in promoting cultural unity and relieving political tensions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say sport has an important role in society. However, others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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