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some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. 1OK7
We live in an era where technology is advanced. Along with its progress of the technology its self, there are so much benefits that we can gain from it and music is one of them. Music has been existing in our country for centuries. People loves music because it is an entertaiment for them. Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of diffrent cultures and ages together. i am a person who does not listen to music. But some people cannot be seperated from it everyday. I know a guy that reaaly loves music and he really good in singing. Of course it is a thing because from music he knows that he can make something from it. He has so many followers on his tiktok account. there are many different of ages on his followers. It can be conclude that my friends has been successfully on spreading positive energy that he has into his tiktok videos. Music bring a lot of good things to us. But there are also the negative things that music can brings to us. Some people misused music and resulting a bad side of music. there are some language that prohibited to some ages. there are also music that accidentally teach us bad things and resulting to bad behaviors. It is good to catch up with outside world, but we have to be more carefull with the cultures that the thing might brings.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an era where technology
is advanced
. Along with its progress of the technology its self, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
benefits that we can gain from it and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has been existing in our country for centuries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
loves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
entertaiment
for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffrent
cultures and ages together.

Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am a person who does not listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot be
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperated
from it
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. I know a guy that
Possible spelling mistake found.
reaaly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
It seems that a verb is missing.
he
really
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at singing"?
good in singing
. Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, it".
course it
is a thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
he knows that he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
something from it. He has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
followers on his
Possible spelling mistake found.
tiktok
account.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
of ages on his followers. It can be
Consider using the past participle "concluded"?
conclude
that my friends has been
successfully
on spreading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy that he has into his
Possible spelling mistake found.
tiktok
videos.

Music
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "brings".
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things to us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
also
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "bring"
brings
to us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
misused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and resulting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
language that prohibited to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
accidentally
teach us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things and resulting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behaviors.

It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to catch up with outside world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more
Possible spelling mistake found.
carefull
with the cultures that the thing might brings.

IELTS essay some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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