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In recent year there has been an encrease a bad behavior, poor descipline and anti-cosial behavior in school. Tough measures and strict punishment by schools, parent and others are necessary to stop this trend.

In recent year there has been an encrease a bad behavior, poor descipline and anti-cosial behavior in school. Tough measures and strict punishment by schools, parent and others are necessary to stop this trend. arg7
Nowadays, in some countries educational system are facing serious difficult problems with the behavior of their pupils. The solution to this problem may be the search the cause of the bad behavior, lack discipline and introduce tough measures, strict punishment by schools, parents. On the one hand, there are good ideas of the introduction tough measures and strict punishment into schools. Firstly, it is considered that the most of pupils change from bad behavior into good discipline. Actually, many pupils are often afraid of punishment, which can change their minds about the rules and listen to their parents more carefully. Secondly, when pupils change their minds about education, behavior and they begin to devote more time to their studies, hobbies. Therefore, their parents will not worry about the future of their children. On the other hand, the punishment is not the only side solving the problem of behavior adolescents that affects the psychological state of their children. In order to explain to their children about good behavior, parents should spend a lot of time to the process of training. For example, listen about their desires, what they want to do, or their preferences. Second, if parents do not support their children, adolescents will not change the bad behavior and poor discipline. Therefore, parents have to support their children in any situation. In conclusion, punishing adolescents is the best way to educate them, but trying to understand them and give them recommendation will completely change their behavior for the better.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries educational system are facing serious difficult problems with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
. The solution to this problem may be the search the cause of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, lack discipline and introduce tough measures, strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
by schools, parents.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of the introduction tough measures and strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
into schools.
Firstly
, it
is considered
that the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
discipline. Actually,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
afraid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their minds about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more
carefully
.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their minds about education,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behavior and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to devote more time to their studies, hobbies.
Therefore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will not worry about the future of their children.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
side solving the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
adolescents that affects the psychological state of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to the process of training.
For example
, listen about their desires, what they want to do, or their preferences. Second, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, adolescents will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
and poor discipline.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in any situation.

In conclusion
, punishing adolescents is the best way to educate them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
trying to understand them and give them recommendation will completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
for the better.
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IELTS essay In recent year there has been an encrease a bad behavior, poor descipline and anti-cosial behavior in school. Tough measures and strict punishment by schools, parent and others are necessary to stop this trend.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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