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Some people say museums should be free whereas other people opine that some entry fees should be there. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Some people say museums should be free whereas other people opine that some entry fees should be there. Discuss both sides and give your opinion gGbP3
In this contemporary epoch, it is an argumental issue among civilians whether the entry of museum ought to be free or not. I am quite agree with second point of view. This essay is an attempt to examine both the views without any prejudice to arrive at a sensible conclusion. To commence with, there are multifarious pros of having free entrance in museum. The predominant one is that it render an opponent to unprivileged people to visit. In brief, myriad of poor individuals are not able to visit museums due to their low financial condition. Consequently, they remain deprived from the past history as well as antique things. For example, a survey conducted in Goa presents that population of visitors increased by 80% during 2009 because of free entry of museums. Hence, with the help of this trend people remain attach with their cultures and traditions. On the other hand, there are several reasons why rest of the individuals opine that museum get money from people for the entry of museum. First and foremost, it beneficial for the maintenance of the museums. This is based on the fact that, a huge amount of money is needed to preserve the old things and to pay another bills like electricity and water which is merely possible through the fees of entrance. Furthermore, it also leaves a superior impact on the economy of the nation. To explain it, well-maintained museums mismerize the individuals in a very interesting way and become tourist attraction which indirectly enhance the financial condition of country. To conclude, I believe, although free entry of museum is affordable for common people yet it is very hard to ignore the advantages of getting money from fees as it strengthens the economy of the country which is part and parcel for the development of civilians.
In this contemporary epoch, it is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
argumental
issue among civilians whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
ought to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
or not. I am quite
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with second point of view. This essay is an attempt to examine both the views without any prejudice to arrive at a sensible conclusion. To commence with, there are multifarious pros of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
entrance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. The predominant one is that it render an opponent to unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit.
In brief
, myriad of poor individuals are not able to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
due to their low financial condition.
Consequently
, they remain
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
the past history
as well
as antique things.
For example
, a survey conducted in Goa presents that population of visitors increased by 80% during 2009
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Hence
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain attach with their cultures and traditions.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why rest of the individuals opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
First
and foremost,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
beneficial for the maintenance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. This
is based
on the fact that, a huge amount of money
is needed
to preserve the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things and to pay another bills like electricity and water which is
merely
possible through the fees of entrance.
Furthermore
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a superior impact on the economy of the nation. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, well-maintained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
Possible spelling mistake found.
mismerize
the individuals in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting way and become tourist attraction which
indirectly
enhance the financial condition of country.
To conclude
, I believe, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is affordable for common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
yet
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the advantages of getting money from fees as it strengthens the economy of the country which is part and parcel for the development of civilians.
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IELTS essay Some people say museums should be free whereas other people opine that some entry fees should be there. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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