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Some people say it is selfish and unnecessary for people to eat meat in a world where food resources are growing increasingly scarce. Others, however, think that a balanced diet is the key to a healthy life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say it is selfish and unnecessary for people to eat meat in a world where food resources are growing increasingly scarce. Others, however, think that a balanced diet is the key to a healthy life. v. 1
With growing generation more and more competition is coming on the market which can cause difficulty finding jobs which can lead to rise in the unemployment and the increase in more homeless. In this we will discuss and give big picture about the cause of this problem and find best suitable precautions to be taken against it. Well to start with, with rapid growth on generation and new technology nowadays, there is more and more competition in the market and in job then it was in the old days. Which makes unsecure to the employees, and it is hard for the older generation to compete with present more highly educated and young generation. This is one reason which can lead to homelessness in many developed cities around the world. For example, the person who has been working in an office for 10 years and he is old will have experience, but he might not have got new skills and speed what a new educated and young person can do even if he don't have experience, he might have technical skills which can do the same work quickly and with more efficiently. But there are some precautions which can be taken, some of that might be making them educate and providing them with training and keeping up-to date all the employees with the new developed technology so they don't slack back from the current generation. Another thing they can do is to keep motivated them with some kind of reward after achieving some kind of task. In conclusion, In my opinion homelessness in increasing due to competition, but it is not impossible to overcome it, we should focus and educate themselves to keep-up with the new generation so they are not left back.
With growing generation more and more competition is coming on the market which can cause difficulty finding jobs which can lead to rise in the unemployment and the increase in more homeless. In this we will discuss and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
picture about the cause of this problem and
A determiner is probably missing here: "find the best".
find best
suitable precautions to
be taken
against it.

Well to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, with rapid growth on generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology nowadays, there is more and more competition in the market and in job then it was in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days. Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
unsecure to the employees, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the older generation to compete with present more
highly
educated and young generation. This is one reason which can lead to homelessness in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed cities around the world.
For example
, the person who has been working in an office for 10
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
will have experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he might not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and speed what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
educated and young person can do even if he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "doesn't", "didn't".
don't
have experience, he might have technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which can do the same work
quickly
and with more
efficiently
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precautions which can
be taken
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of that might be making them educate and providing them with training and keeping up-to date all the employees with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
developed technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don't slack back from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation. Another thing they can do is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
motivated them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of reward after achieving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of task.

In conclusion
, In my opinion homelessness in increasing due to competition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not impossible to overcome it, we should focus and educate themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
-up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
back.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say it is selfish and unnecessary for people to eat meat in a world where food resources are growing increasingly scarce. Others, however, think that a balanced diet is the key to a healthy life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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