Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say government should do more to make sure their citizens have a healthy diet. However, some people think individuals must take responsibility for their diet and health. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say government should do more to make sure their citizens have a healthy diet. However, some people think individuals must take responsibility for their diet and health. 5aJpp
These days, there are conflicting viewpoints about whether diet should be controlled by government or residents. Although government can manage their diets to eradicate famine, from my point of view, inhabitants must have right to determine their diets, which is suitable for their health and to make them happier. It is understandable why some people suggest that government should impose their residents’ diets. First of all, if this happens, the quality of food will be controlled easily. Therefore, the majority of inhabitants will have the healthy diets in order to minimize the risks of diseases such as obesity or cardiovascular, which leads to an upward trend of residents’ life-span. Moreover, everybody from all walk of life, particularly the disadvantaged, will not worry about daily food. As a result, their living standards of people in difficult circumstances will be enhanced gradually and in one day, society will not witness starvers any longer. Nevertheless, in my opinion, self- management in food have more benefits. First, it is apparent that inhabitants have their own health conditions. Therefore, they have to know how to regulate their diet in order to be appropriate with their health. To illustrate, due to being overweight, my best friend has been following his strict diet for 2 years to get lean. Furthermore, since people are living in a fast-paced society, a large number of them are stressed of their enormous bulk of work. As a result, they will tend to actively consume their preferred food to let their hairs down. To clarify, researches shows that numerous students being inhibited with their large amount of workload used to eat fast food and fizzy drinks to make themselves happier. In spite of the fact that government’s control is relatively beneficial, I am still favor of the rest.
These days, there are conflicting viewpoints about whether diet should
be controlled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or residents. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can manage their diets to eradicate famine, from my point of view, inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have right to determine their diets, which is suitable for their health and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier.

It is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose their residents’ diets.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if this happens, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
be controlled
easily
.
Therefore
, the majority of inhabitants will have the healthy diets in order to minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of diseases such as obesity or cardiovascular, which leads to an upward trend of residents’ life-span.
Moreover
, everybody from all walk of life,
particularly
the disadvantaged, will not worry about daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
, their living standards of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in difficult circumstances will
be enhanced
gradually
and in one day, society will not witness
Possible spelling mistake found.
starvers
any longer.

Nevertheless
, in my opinion, self- management in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have more benefits.
First
, it is apparent that inhabitants have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health conditions.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know how to regulate their diet in order to be appropriate with their health. To illustrate, due to being overweight, my best friend has been following his strict diet for 2 years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lean.
Furthermore
, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced society,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
of their enormous bulk of work.
As a result
, they will tend to
actively
consume their preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their hairs down. To clarify, researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that numerous students
being inhibited
with their large amount of workload
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and fizzy drinks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves happier.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
control is
relatively
beneficial, I am
still
favor of the rest.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people say government should do more to make sure their citizens have a healthy diet. However, some people think individuals must take responsibility for their diet and health.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5.5band
    is homeschooling good or bad for children?
    It is no secret that some parents are dissatisfied with how the education system works, therefore, they decide to be their children's teacher instead of spending their money on schools. But is it beneficial for children? For some shy students, have theiir parents as teachers is a great asset. They ...
  • 5.5band
    The Fragmented World of the 1930s
    The central themes in this chapter are the disintegration of the international economy — de-globalization — which followed the onset of the Great Depression, and the path to recovery in the main areas of the world. Cooperation was desperately needed to mitigate the effects of the slump, but it wa...
  • 5.5band
    personal statement for full time mba application
    “One District One Scholarship (ODOS): One chance to change a life” That was the first thing I have seen on the Royal Thai Government Scholarship application form and had no idea that one day this would change my life as it was written. As an 18-year-old student living and studying in a rural area, a...
  • 5.5band
    Which subjects should no longer be taught in school?
    The fundamental purpose of the school is to achieve a good knowledge of all those subjects that are necessary to be able to enter the working environment. Therefore, the school must guarantee training on current subjects that are important for each student, such as IT, politics, economics, sex, and ...
  • 6band
    It is said that teenagers are under a lot of stress and pressures. Write an essay (from 200 to 250 words)to suggest ways to get rid of these problem
    It is a fact that young people are facing up a great deal of strain and depression. How should they do to cope with this stress? In this essay, we will discuss a number of solutions to these problems. To begin with, the first measure to reduce teenagers’ stress would be building up a healthy lifest...
  • 5band
    A few years ago some of the sea otter populations off of the Alaskan coast started to decline rapidly
    The reading and the lecture are both about the decline in sea otter populations. While the reading’s author states that pollution is a cause of their populations declining, the lecturer suggests that the greatest factor is predation. The lecturer casts doubts on the main points made in the reading b...