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Some people say extreme sports should be banned due to the fact that they are dangerous.

Some people say extreme sports should be banned due to the fact that they are dangerous. kjYVR
It is stated that adventure sports like diving and skiing should be prevented due to their life threatening nature. I completely disagree and believe that such activities can be beneficial. The first reason is that extreme sports are exaggerated by some elements of risk, thus every athlete is likely to be injured by doing any kind of sport. If a person aims to take part in such fields, they should undergo specific training, which the dangers would be minimized. It is, therefore, undeniable that they are not as dangerous as they are claimed to be. Another point is that a considerable number of career opportunities has been created by extreme sports. Ranging from trainers to technicians, who are responsible for the maintenance of sport equipments. When these sports are prohibited, it will lead to the unemployment rate. As a result they can have social and economic consequences. Finally, individuals are given the chance to pursue their favorite sport, which have interests and talents. By engaging in various sports suited to their passions, peoplemight realize their aspirations of becoming sport professionals or just find it as a meditation. Consequently it can pave the way for increasing the popularity of sport activities. In conclusion, although some people are of the opinion that individuals should not be allowed to participate in these sports because of the dangerous nature of them. If they are accompanied by an experienced couch, employment rate would be elevated.
It
is stated
that adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like diving and skiing should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
due to their life threatening nature. I completely disagree and believe that such activities can be beneficial. The
first
reason is that extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are exaggerated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elements of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
,
thus
every athlete is likely to
be injured
by doing any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. If a person aims to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such fields, they should undergo specific training, which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
would
be minimized
. It is,
therefore
, undeniable that they are not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as they
are claimed
to be. Another point is that a considerable number of career opportunities has
been created
by extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Ranging from trainers to technicians, who are responsible for the maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
equipments. When these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are prohibited
, it will lead to the unemployment rate.
As a result
they can have social and economic consequences.
Finally
, individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to pursue their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which have interests and talents. By engaging in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
suited to their passions,
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoplemight
realize their aspirations of becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
professionals or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
find it as a meditation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
it can pave the way for increasing the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities.
In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that individuals should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
nature of them. If they
are accompanied
by an experienced couch, employment rate would
be elevated
.
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IELTS essay Some people say extreme sports should be banned due to the fact that they are dangerous.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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