Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health.They think all health problems can just be fixed by visiting doctors. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might it be solved?

Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. They think all health problems can just be fixed by visiting doctors. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might it be solved? oMAw
Many people claim that it’s the job of the doctors to “solve” all the problems related to personal care. But sometimes it’s forgotten that some health problems are the consequence of a wrong behaviour. That’s to say that people, instead of preventing problems, entrust on the capacity of doctors to solve them and if it didn’t happen, the blame would be on doctors. To start with, society by the years, has developed the common thought that if we have a problem, without reflecting too much, we go to a doctor. Obviously it’s correct understanding which is the problem, and going to experts to be aware of it. But it’s wrong to think that specialists couldn’t make mistakes or to think that it all depends on the doctor's skill. For example sometimes it happens that doctors diagnose an incorrect pathology, so suggesting a wrong care or for other factors, the life of a patient could be compromised. Subsequently several people start to think that the doctor is unable to do that work, compromising the career of a valiant doctor. This problem might be solved with a broader view of the problem and with the awareness of the doctors’ responsibilities. It’s necessary to underline that the work itself of a doctor implies huge responsibilities; however sometimes also the patient has his responsibilities. To give an example, there are some diseases more relevant in individuals who smoke. It’s to say that diseases like lung or lip cancer are in proportion to people who are addicted to smoking. Even if diseases and cancers could not always be prevented, sometimes a lot of them are the result of a human's attitude. All things considered, it’s important to not undervalue the work of a doctor and his responsibilities. In addition, people must be aware of their own actions and try to prevent every kind of illness, of which cancer it’s just an example.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that it’s the job of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
to “solve” all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to personal care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it’s forgotten that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are the consequence of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. That’s to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
instead
of preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, entrust on the capacity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
to solve them and if it didn’t happen, the blame would be on doctors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, society by the years, has developed the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that if we have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, without reflecting too much, we go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
.
Obviously
it’s correct understanding which is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, and going to experts to be aware of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that specialists couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it all depends on the doctor's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it happens that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
diagnose an incorrect pathology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
suggesting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
care or for other factors, the life of a patient could
be compromised
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Subsequently
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
is unable to do that work, compromising the career of a valiant doctor.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
might
be solved
with a broader view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and with the awareness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors’
responsibilities. It’s necessary to underline that the work itself of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
implies huge responsibilities;
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
also
the patient has his responsibilities.

To give an example, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases more relevant in individuals who smoke. It’s to say that diseases like lung or lip cancer are in proportion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are addicted
to smoking.

Even if diseases and cancers could not always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them are the result of a human's attitude.

All things considered, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to not undervalue the work of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
and his responsibilities.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
actions and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
every kind of illness, of which cancer it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an example.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. They think all health problems can just be fixed by visiting doctors. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might it be solved?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts