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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool . Others, however ,believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? rgBm
There is no iota of doubt that some people and children are enjoy playing computer games. I accept that these games have a some positive effect on the users. However, it have a harmful effect. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to people, however sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to some. The following paragraph would shed light on pros and cons of these development. To begin with, it is a positive impact on children mind. First and foremost, video games has both educational and entertaining. These games are transported vocabulary words which are often more excited and useful in student study. As a result, in educational prospective these games encourage imagination and creativity, as well concentration. Secondly, with these games children learn about Motor skills and prepare from their future. Therefore, these games can improve user thinking and to prepare them for World tasks like how to flying plane and how to drive car. On the flip side of cons, there are some nasty consequence as well. Firstly I would agree that these benefits outweigh there drawbacks. These gaming can be highly attact to children and given them score. consequently, children spend more time to get more score and complete high level from their friend. Moreover, children are spending more hours to complete level and they cannot get proper sleep and do not prefer to do homework. In addition, these games are also effect on their health they become obese due to the fact that they have no link with exercise and healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, I think these games has more possible benefits rather than negative. So, I think children should spend only few time to playing these game and also under their parent eyes.
There is no iota of doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
Consider using a past participle here: "enjoyed".
enjoy
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I accept that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the users.
However
, it
Did you mean "has"?
have
a harmful effect. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. The following paragraph would shed light on pros and cons of
Did you mean "this development" or "these developments"?
these development
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mind.
First
and foremost, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has both educational and entertaining. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are transported
vocabulary words which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more excited and useful in student study.
As a result
, in educational prospective these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage imagination and creativity,
as well
concentration.
Secondly
, with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn about Motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and prepare from their future.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
user thinking and to prepare them for World tasks like how to flying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
and how to drive car. On the flip side of cons, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nasty consequence
as well
.
Firstly
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these benefits outweigh
Did you mean "their"?
there
drawbacks. These gaming can be
highly
Possible spelling mistake found.
attact
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them score.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more score and complete high level from their friend.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending more hours to complete
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
level and
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper sleep and do not prefer to do homework.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
also
effect on their health they become obese due to the fact that they have no link with exercise and healthy lifestyle.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has more possible benefits
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible agreement error. The noun time seems to be countable; consider using: "few times".
few time
to playing these game and
also
under their parent eyes.
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IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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