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Some people prefer young leaders, while others thinks senior managers have the experience. What do you think? v.2

Some people prefer young leaders, while others thinks senior managers have the experience. What do you think? v. 2
Leadership is playing an important rule when it comes to successful business management. It is argued whether young leaders or senior managers can be more effective in working life. I am of the belief that future generations should take their opportunity in the leadership community. This essay will manifests the reasons why I prefer young leaders. Firstly, in the modern era, young leaders are more informed and influenced when it comes to the technology revolution. Not only does youth have the scientific knowledge of the latest inventions but also they can use them to develop their management. On other words, youth leadership has become a global leap; they can implement modern strategies rather than elder managers. A prime example, the spread of youth leadership training programs which ensure the importance of youth voice. Secondly, future generations have the soul of improvement and development. As an illustration, they possess the spirit of positive action to prove themselves which helps in developing their surroundings. Moreover, they have the aim of success to leave a mark in their career for the following generations which helps in raising the challenging spirit between youth; this can reduce unemployment. For instance, the successful French president, Emmanuel Macron, was publicly selected by the end of his thirties’ after his honourable political career history. In conclusion, I would like to restate my opinion that youngsters deserve the chance to prove that they are able to lead our community organizations. It is highly recommended that governments should raise the awareness of their rights in leadership positions which gives them the intense interest to a broaden their horizons to have faith and give their best.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leadership
is playing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to successful business management. It
is argued
whether young leaders or senior managers can be more effective in working life. I am of the belief that future generations should take their opportunity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
community. This essay will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "manifest"
manifests
the reasons why I prefer young leaders.

Firstly
, in the modern era, young leaders are more informed and influenced when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the technology revolution. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
have the scientific knowledge of the latest inventions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to develop their management. On other words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
has become a global leap; they can implement modern strategies
rather
than elder managers. A prime example, the spread of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
training programs which ensure the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
voice.

Secondly
, future generations have the soul of improvement and development. As an illustration, they possess the spirit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
action to prove themselves which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in developing their surroundings.
Moreover
, they have the aim of success to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a mark in their career for the following generations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in raising the challenging spirit between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
; this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment.
For instance
, the successful French president, Emmanuel Macron, was
publicly
selected by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of his thirties’ after his
Possible spelling mistake found.
honourable
political career history.

In conclusion
, I would like to restate my opinion that youngsters deserve the chance to prove that they are able to lead our community organizations. It is
highly
recommended that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should raise the awareness of their rights in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
positions which gives them the intense interest to
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'broaden' is correct. If 'broaden' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a broaden
their horizons to have faith and give their best.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer young leaders, while others thinks senior managers have the experience. What do you think? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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