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Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 1
A substantial number of people who are they always attempt to sustain their lifestyles and habits in a certain way. They do not have any eager to engage with new adventure. But there are some people who have a strong feelings on their arguments. In my opinion, changing is a vital part of human life. So people need to get in touch with new things. Both sides will be discussed before drawing a reasonable conclusion. one the one hand, a good number of people who are they used to do some things during their entire life. For example, my uncle, he is a businessman, I asked him to do something new but he refused because he used to in business. Moreover, people by nature believe the same ways doing things it is more convenient for them. For instance, when people are to change their jobs, this transition has given them much worries as to whether they are going to get what type of jobs or what type of people would be his colleagues. on the other hand most of the people are convinced that people should not confine them in a certain area. Moreover, there is more satisfaction to triumphant something new. For instance, my brother, he was a manager of a hotel but now he is a chief majestat. That had been possible only for his strong desire. Furthermore, if people restrain themselves in a job, the mobility of the society will hamper. The development would not be possible for the country. However, a great number of changes do us good. In many cases, we may find that changes make us stronger, more mature and experienced. To Conclude, in my point of view, although change is inevitable in human life. But that would have to be the best deal. so that people do not have to suffer in the future.
A substantial number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are they always attempt to sustain their lifestyles and habits in a certain way. They do not have any eager to engage with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
adventure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a strong
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "feeling"?
feelings
on their arguments. In my opinion, changing is a vital part of human life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. Both sides will
be discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a reasonable conclusion.

Did you mean "on"?
one
the one hand, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things during their entire life.
For example
, my uncle, he is a businessman, I asked him to do something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he refused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in business.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by nature believe the same ways doing things it is more convenient for them.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their jobs, this transition has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
worries
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
they are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what type of jobs or what type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be his colleagues.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not confine them in a certain area.
Moreover
, there is more satisfaction to triumphant something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
.
For instance
, my brother, he was a manager of a hotel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is a chief
Possible spelling mistake found.
majestat
. That had been possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for his strong desire.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
restrain themselves in a job, the mobility of the society will hamper. The development would not be possible for the country.
However
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
do us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, we may find that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us stronger, more mature and experienced.

To Conclude
, in my point of view, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is inevitable in human life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be the best deal.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer in the future.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others however, think that change is always a good thing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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