Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — v.3

Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — v. 3
Nowadays, foreign countries are becoming more beneficial for those who want to study there or work. Nevertheless, there exist certain amount of merits as well as demerits of this. The first advantage is to experience and another is to learn foreign language, I think. However, culture shock which is the most popular disadvantage of this statement, unadaptability also can be a dark side of it. First of all, people who study or work abroad indeed experience another culture of lifestyle. Obviously, with this in mind, individuals make friends from different nations, I believe. People become independent and open to new, exciting, or terrifying challenges that they would never have encountered in their home country. Furthermore, knowledge and, especially, language acquisition is improved, if people study or live abroad, I think. Due to this, many opportunities are opened for prospective students or businessmen. For example, almost all foreign universities require IELTS certification or TOEFL; this demand definitely for overseas students. Nonetheless, the first demerit of working or studying abroad is culture shock, contained the shock of a new environment, meals, rules, weather, acquaintance and others alike; But, it is a temporary issue, in my view. On top of this, inflexibility, problem of new oversea students or employees, can be a part of this statement, I think. Naturally, they cannot adapt to the new atmosphere and the education system of foreign countries, in particular. As a result of this, many people do not want to make friends around them and live perfectly because of the aforementioned challenge. To conclude, there are benefits of working or studying abroad, which include explorations of new culture and, undoubtedly, the improvement of language acquisition, I guess. However, there exist some demerits of this as well: culture shock and inflexibility of oversea students or immigrants.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
countries are becoming more beneficial for those who want to study there or work.
Nevertheless
, there exist certain amount of merits
as well
as demerits of this. The
first
advantage is to experience and another is to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shock
which is the most popular disadvantage of this statement,
Possible spelling mistake found.
unadaptability
also
can be a dark side of it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who study or work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
indeed
experience another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of lifestyle.
Obviously
, with this in mind, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations, I believe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
become independent and open to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
, exciting, or terrifying challenges that they would never have encountered in their home country.
Furthermore
, knowledge and,
especially
, language acquisition is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. Due to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities
are opened
for prospective students or businessmen.
For example
, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
universities require IELTS certification or TOEFL; this demand definitely for overseas students.

Nonetheless, the
first
demerit of working or studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shock
, contained the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shock
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment, meals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, weather, acquaintance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
alike;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it is a temporary issue, in my view. On top of this, inflexibility, problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
oversea students or employees, can be a part of this statement, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
Naturally
, they cannot adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
atmosphere and the education system of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
countries,
in particular
.
As a result
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends around them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
perfectly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the aforementioned challenge.

To conclude
, there are benefits of working or studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, which include explorations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and,
undoubtedly
, the improvement of language acquisition, I guess.
However
, there exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of this
as well
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shock
and inflexibility of oversea students or immigrants.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts