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Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully while others disagree. Discuss both the views point and give your opinion.

Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully while others disagree. 9JJp
In this new fangland era, leisure activities place a pivotal role in every individual life. A number of people assert that it doing spare time occupations at very accurately. whereas other think that it is a not important I am in the favor of letter statement both the viewpoints I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, It is an undeniable fact that individuals put more concentrate on their free time activities. Firstly, if a person plant their occupations what they do in their spare time that ultimately, they would be manage their time. As, these days every people are busy in their hectic schedule. Therefore, they put more attention on their activities. Secondly, sometimes people do a lot of work after that they can easily tired. Consequently, individual preferred to listen music watching television shopping and do other work according to their taste. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it was mentioned that 80% of people believe that if person spend their leisure time with full of concentration then they can easily relax their mind. On the other hand, it is irrefutable fact that a number of individuals are disagree with planning free time activities. First of all, sometimes people plan their leisure occupations but suddenly, they cancel their activities due to busy life. Owing to, individuals do not prefer to plan leisure activities. Second of all, nowadays every people are more materialistic. as, they do not do any activity in their spare time because they earn more money in their life. Moreover, what do person in their free time it is always depend on their mood. Thus, they do not plan accurately. To illustrate, in a survey it was present that 40% of individual preferred to do numerous activities in their leisure time without any planning. To sum up, it can be deduced that although, it does not matter what people do their leisure time according to their planning. On the contrary, I personally believe that if person plan their occupation very carefully then they there are umpteen beneficial points which cannot be overlooked.
In this new
Possible spelling mistake found.
fangland
era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
place a pivotal role in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
life. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that
Did you mean "it's doing", "it is doing", or "it was doing"?
it doing
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
accurately
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
I am in the favor of letter statement both the viewpoints I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.

On the one hand, It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
put more concentrate on their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
plant their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
what they do in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that
ultimately
, they would be manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, these days every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy in their hectic schedule.
Therefore
, they put more attention on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work after that they can
easily
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "tire"
tired
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
preferred to listen music watching television shopping and do other work according to their taste. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it
was mentioned
that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with full of concentration then they can
easily
relax their mind.

On the other hand
, it is irrefutable fact that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
with planning free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
suddenly
, they cancel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
due to busy life. Owing to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Second of all, nowadays every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more materialistic.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
, they do not do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they earn more money in their life.
Moreover
, what do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it is always
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on their mood.
Thus
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
accurately
. To illustrate, in a survey it was present that 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
preferred to do numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without any planning.

To sum up, it can
be deduced
that although, it does not matter what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
according to their planning.
On the contrary
, I
personally
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
then they there are umpteen beneficial points which cannot
be overlooked
.
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IELTS essay Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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