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Some people prefer to focus on ambitious dreams while others think realistic goals are more important. Which do you prefer and why? v.2

Some people prefer to focus on ambitious dreams while others think realistic goals are more important. Which do you prefer and why? v. 2
Goals in the life are like fuel for an engine. They gives us the motivation to going ahead in life, putting aside all the barriers come to us. However, the question is which one of the two ambitious dreams or realistic goals would be more worth pursuing in our lives? In this regard, many might opine that focus on ambitious dreams is like holding some fantasy, which would never be a firm string to cling. On the other side of the coin, others firmly believe that dream is the thing that gives meant to the life, without which life would be so routine and boring. I personally subscribe to the view that anyone who fosters a dream in her/his mind should chase it. I hold this opinion for two main reasons, which I will elucidate in the following essay. To begin with, today’s modern world would not have the same shape as we see today. In other words, technology and all the facilities we enjoy in our everyday lives would disappear without ones who did not put borders on fostering their ambitions, trying their best to make them come true. For instance, if the Edison had given up his dream of inventing a new source of energy providing light, we would have never touch the delight of enjoying a variety of technologies based on the electricity including the telephone, the internet, to name but a handful. Thus, you see, taking the ambitions out of the frame, we would have lived like other animals on the earth, and never ever would have tasted the new worlds we have created. The second reason that deserves a few words to write is that in pursuit of dreams we will discover new facets of our abilities and self, otherwise would remain buried and voiceless. I believe that the inner voice whispering inside even some impossible dreams is the real philosophy of our existence, giving us guidance on how to live the life. I should clarify the point by a compelling example of my experience. I majored in chemistry engineering at the university, but due to some conditions in our country, the jobs associate with engineering are more secured than professions in arts. For nearly 10 years, I was a disappointed and unsatisfied with my life because my heart- wish was to be an actor not an engineer. Stage was my dream, but there was a long distance between me and that. However, one day, I decided to pursue my dreams instead of continuing regret about not being an actor. Therefore, I enroll in theater performance class in our community cultural center, and it was so amazing that I have surprising talent in performing. All the suppression I had received during work disappeared, and I felt I was flourishing. Now I am very good at acting, enjoying the life. Thus, taking a walk on the wild side, and following dreams help us to live our desired life. To wrap it up, I, firmly believe that chasing dreams even if they seem impossible at first is a better idea than take a realistic goal with a routine and predefined path. I feel this way because not only will it cause dramatic progresses in human beings life as it did, but it helps us discover our capabilities, enjoying our desire lives.
Goals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are like fuel for an engine. They
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "give"
gives
us the motivation to going ahead in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, putting aside all the barriers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to us.
However
, the question is which one of the two ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
or realistic goals would be more worth pursuing in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
? In this regard,
Possible agreement error. The noun might seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much might", "a good deal of might".
many might
opine that focus on ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
is like holding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fantasy, which would never be a firm string to cling. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the coin, others
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
is the thing that gives meant to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, without which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
routine and boring. I
personally
subscribe to the view that anyone who fosters a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
in her/his mind should chase it. I hold this opinion for two main reasons, which I will elucidate in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world would not have the same shape as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, technology and all the facilities we enjoy in our everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
would disappear without ones who did not put borders on fostering their ambitions, trying their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.
For instance
, if the Edison had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
up his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
of inventing a new source of energy providing light, we would have never
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "touched".
touch
the delight of enjoying a variety of technologies based on the electricity including the telephone, the internet, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a handful.
Thus
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, taking the ambitions out of the frame, we would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
animals on the earth, and never ever would have tasted the new worlds we have created.

The second reason that deserves a few words to write is that in pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
we will discover new facets of our abilities and self,
otherwise
would remain buried and voiceless. I believe that the inner voice whispering inside even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impossible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
is the real philosophy of our existence, giving us guidance on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I should clarify the point by a compelling example of my experience.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
majored in chemistry engineering at the university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conditions in our country, the jobs associate with engineering are more secured than professions in arts. For
nearly
10 years, I was a disappointed and unsatisfied with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my heart- wish was to be an actor not an engineer. Stage was my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a long distance between me and that.
However
, one day, I decided to pursue my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
instead
of continuing regret about not being an actor.
Therefore
, I enroll in theater performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in our community cultural center, and it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
amazing that I have surprising talent in performing. All the suppression I had received during work disappeared, and I felt I was flourishing.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at acting, enjoying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, taking a walk on the wild side, and following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
our desired life.

To wrap it up, I,
firmly
believe that chasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
even if they seem impossible at
first
is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
than take a realistic goal with a routine and predefined path. I feel this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will it cause dramatic progresses in human
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "beings'" or "being's"?
beings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as it did,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us discover our capabilities, enjoying our desire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to focus on ambitious dreams while others think realistic goals are more important. Which do you prefer and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
554 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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