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Some people prefer to be self employed,whereas others like working for companies or institutions.Which is a better approach ?

Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach? MMlAQ
Nowadays, Keeping a well-balanced life and career is extremely crucial and ought to be of a higher concern for people, However, this may involve many issues. This essay shall present some of the problems and suggest appropriate solutions. Due to the modern life that we are living in lately, people’s need has significantly been increasing day by day, also, because of the wider technology development, people work harder in order to provide to their families all the necessities that may need. For instance, my colleagues keep working for additionnal hours, although, they feel very exhausted, so they can buy laptops and, latest inventions of technology, consequently, they usually complain about health problems issues. For example: headache as a consequence of being tense and stressful in front of the computer for long working hours, moreover, back pain because of the uncomfortable seat and hearing problems related to answering customers and having long conversations on the phone. Furthermore, parents struggle to keep their families happy by presenting to them all the things that they need and, earning additional money to travel overseas in holidays, they tend to go beyond their limitations which is definitely harmful to their physically and mentally health. Not only this, but also the negative competitions that may create at work as a consequence of trying to achieve highly profit and significant figures of revenue in order to get a promotion, this can create a negative social climate which can influences the person’s mood and consequently the family’s mood. Undoubtedly, family should be very comprehensible, they should learn that happiness is not related to the amount of salary that the person is earning or the number of hours that they are spending at work, happiness is the moment that the family shares together around a healthy and simple meal with all the family gathered together, not only this, but also the picnics that they can organise for spending long time together and communicating, those moments are priceless and should be perserved. To conclude, a successful person should try to make time management, therefore, she will maintain a good life career and a happy family at the same time.
Nowadays, Keeping a well-balanced life and career is
extremely
crucial and ought to be of a higher concern for
people
,
However
, this may involve
many
issues. This essay shall present
some of the
problems and suggest appropriate solutions.

Due to the modern life that we are living in lately,
people
’s need has
significantly
been increasing day by day,
also
,
because
of the wider technology development,
people
work harder in order to provide to their
families
all the necessities that may need.
For instance
, my colleagues
keep
working for
additionnal
hours, although, they feel
very
exhausted,
so
they can
buy
laptops and,
latest
inventions of technology,
consequently
, they
usually
complain about health problems issues.
For example
: headache as a consequence of being tense and stressful in front of the computer for long working hours,
moreover
, back pain
because
of the uncomfortable seat and hearing problems related to answering customers and having long conversations on the phone.

Furthermore
, parents struggle to
keep
their
families
happy by presenting to them all the things that they need and, earning additional money to travel overseas in holidays, they tend to go beyond their limitations which is definitely harmful to their
physically
and mentally health. Not
only
this,
but
also
the
negative
competitions that may create at work as a consequence of trying to achieve
highly
profit and significant figures of revenue in order to
get
a promotion, this can create a
negative
social climate which can
influences
the person’s mood and
consequently
the
family’s
mood.

Undoubtedly
,
family
should be
very
comprehensible, they should learn that happiness is not related to the amount of salary that the person is earning or the number of hours that they are spending at work, happiness is the moment that the
family
shares together around a healthy and simple meal with all the
family
gathered together, not
only
this,
but
also
the picnics that they can
organise
for spending long time together and communicating, those moments are priceless and should be
perserved
.

To conclude
, a successful person should try to
make
time management,
therefore
, she will maintain a
good
life career and a happy
family
at the same time.
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IELTS essay Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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