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Some people prefer to be self-employed and work for themselves. Others prefer to follow a carrier path with an established company. Which approach to work would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Some people prefer to be self-employed and work for themselves. Others prefer to follow a carrier path with an established company. Which approach to work would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. WyjwD
Although number of people prefer to follow a carrier path with established company, I prefer to be self employed and work for myself. There are two reasons. It is existence of selecting works which I just want and the fact that I can use the time whatever I want. First, if I have my own company, I do not need to accept the works which I would not like to do. However, people who work with not own company have to work whatever be assigned from company. For example, When I worked at one of telephone company, I was a telephone operator to resolve some problems from users. I had to undertake a big problem which is not my fault. At first, I was not able to talk with the user because of his serious anger. Also, he said to me lots of terrible words again and again. Finally, I could talk with him, and was able to fix the problem. If I can chose, I do not want to work for such problems. Second, I can spend my time whatever I want anytime. Generally, at number of company people work from 9: 00 a. m. to 18: 00. if not so, working time zone is decided by company. In contrast, people who are self employed can decide when they work, and when they take holidays. Speaking of payed holiday in Japan, according to law people who work at company can take payed holiday whenever they want. However we often can not have payed holiday the day we want, because of concerning collegues’ thought. In conclusion, There are above two benefit for me to work freely. I prefer to be self employed and work for myself.
Although number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to follow a carrier path with established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I prefer to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for myself. There are two reasons. It is existence of selecting works which I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
and the fact that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the time whatever I want.

First
, if I have my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I do not need to accept the works which I would not like to do.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
whatever
be assigned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, When I worked at one of telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I was a telephone operator to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems from users. I had to undertake a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem which is not my fault. At
first
, I was not able to talk with the user
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his serious anger.
Also
, he said to me lots of terrible words again and again.
Finally
, I could talk with him, and was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the problem. If I can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "choose"
chose
, I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for such problems.

Second, I can spend my time whatever I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
anytime.
Generally
, at number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from 9: 00 a. m. to 18: 00.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, working time zone
is decided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
can decide when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and when they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. Speaking of
Only in a nautical context 'payed' is an acceptable past tense form of 'pay'. Please check!
payed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
in Japan, according to law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can take
Only in a nautical context 'payed' is an acceptable past tense form of 'pay'. Please check!
payed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
whenever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
can not have
Only in a nautical context 'payed' is an acceptable past tense form of 'pay'. Please check!
payed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
the day we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of concerning
Possible spelling mistake found.
collegues
’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

In conclusion
, There are above two benefit for me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
freely
. I prefer to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for myself.
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IELTS essay Some people prefer to be self-employed and work for themselves. Others prefer to follow a carrier path with an established company. Which approach to work would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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