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Some people live to work, and others work to live. In most cases, this depends on the job they have and the conditions under which they are employed. In your opinion, what are the elements that make a job worthwhile? v.1

Some people live to work, and others work to live. In most cases, this depends on the job they have and the conditions under which they are employed. In your opinion, what are the elements that make a job worthwhile? v. 1
In answering this question, I would like to look first at the elements that combine to make a job undesirable. By avoiding such factors, potential employees are more likely to find a job that is more worthwhile, and by doing so, to achieve happiness in their work. First of all, it doesn't matter if you are an unskilled worker cleaning the floor, a semi-skilled blue-collar worker on a production line in one of the manufacturing industries, or a white collar worker at a bank, shop or one of the other service industries; if you lack career security, with the knowledge that you might lose your task at any time, you will never feel happy. Everybody would like a steady spot in which he or she is guaranteed work. Nowadays, however, companies have a high turnover of staff, hiring new staff and firing others on a weekly basis. Such companies are not popular with their workers. The same can be said about a job in which you are put under a lot of stress and worry, a job which is so demanding that it takes over your life, a job where you work unsociable hours and so never get to see your family or friends, or a physical job in which you do the same thing every day and end up with the industrial disease that is always in the papers nowadays - repetitive strain injury (RSI). With all these negative factors, it would be difficult to believe that there are any elements that make a business worthwhile. Money is, of course, the prime motivator, and everybody wants a good salary, but of course that is not all. The chance of promotion, of being given a better position in a company, is a motivating factor. Likewise, perks such as a free lunch or a company car, an incentive scheme to make you work hard such as a regular increment / pay rise above the rate of inflation, sickness benefit in case you fall ill and a company pension scheme so that you have some money when you retire all combine to make a job worthwhile. Unfortunately, it is not always easy to find all of these. There is, however, an alternative. Forget the office and the factory floor and become self-employed and task for yourself. Your future may not be secure, but at least you will be happy.
In answering this question, I would like to look
first
at the elements that combine to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
undesirable. By avoiding such factors, potential employees are more likely to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
more worthwhile, and by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, to achieve happiness in their work.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it doesn't matter if you are an unskilled worker cleaning the floor, a semi-skilled blue-collar worker on a production line in one of the manufacturing industries, or a white collar worker at a bank, shop or one of the other service industries; if you lack career security, with the knowledge that you might lose your task at any time, you will never feel happy. Everybody would like a steady spot in which he or she
is guaranteed
work. Nowadays,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have a high turnover of staff, hiring new staff and firing others on a weekly basis. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are not popular with their workers.

The same can
be said
about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in which you
are put
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and worry, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
demanding that it takes over your life, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
where you work unsociable hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
your family or friends, or a physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in which you do the same thing every day and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with the industrial disease
that is
always in the papers nowadays
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
repetitive strain injury (RSI).

With all these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
factors, it would be difficult to believe that there are any elements that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a business worthwhile. Money is,
of course
, the prime motivator, and everybody wants a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
of course
that is
not all. The chance of promotion, of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a better position in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, is a motivating factor.
Likewise
, perks such as a free lunch or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
car, an incentive scheme to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
such as a regular increment / pay rise above the rate of inflation, sickness benefit in case you fall ill and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
pension scheme
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money when you retire all combine to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
worthwhile.

Unfortunately, it is not always easy to find all of these. There is,
however
, an alternative. Forget the office and the factory floor and become self-employed and task for yourself. Your future may not be secure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at least you will be happy.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people live to work, and others work to live. In most cases, this depends on the job they have and the conditions under which they are employed. In your opinion, what are the elements that make a job worthwhile? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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