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Some people leave their hometown to work in other places. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people leave their hometown to work in other places. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? 0AEwO
It is often argued that the migration indicates some social issues nowadays. Some people might think that the number of inhabitants escape their hometown to other big cities for business. In my opinion, I personally think that the cons of this issue outweigh the pros. This essay will address the perspective of people’s migration that affects the community. First of all, the destruction of economy in the society would happen. When young people leave to work to other cities, only elderly people might be left in their hometown then this problem leads the unbalanced population such as the countryside. For example, comparing to large cities, the economy between the cities are totally different because old people cannot afford to grow up their social economy. Therefore, the unbalanced population of the town would be worse because the majority of young people move out to another city. Moreover, the environment of the places might be deteriorated when too many individuals settle down. In other words, the population monopoly of the metro cities causes the environmental issues due to some congestion. For instance, when a city has lots of people, they tend to use their vehicles so much which affects the traffic jam on the road and then the creation of emission gas may harm the air. Furthermore, the environment of the city might be polluted. On the other hand, people might have a change to make their life better. In spite of the fact that there are many problems exist this is the good opportunity to earn a lot of money because some of big cities provide inhabitants to have a variety of jobs. Thus, their lifestyle will be improved from the plentiful opportunities to have jobs. In conclusion, it is a good phenomenon when it comes to migrating to other cities to have a job. However, we need to encourage people to stay their hometown to maintain equal population and the local economy.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the migration indicates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social issues nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the number of inhabitants escape their hometown to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for business. In my opinion, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the cons of this issue outweigh the pros. This essay will address the perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
migration that affects the community.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the destruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
in the society would happen. When young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to work to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in their hometown then this problem leads the unbalanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
such as the countryside.
For example
, comparing to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to grow up their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
Therefore
, the unbalanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the town would be worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out to another city.

Moreover
, the environment of the places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be deteriorated
when too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals settle down. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
monopoly of the metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
causes the environmental issues due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
congestion.
For instance
, when a city has lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their vehicles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much which affects the traffic jam on the road and then the creation of emission gas may harm the air.
Furthermore
, the environment of the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be polluted
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems exist this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to earn
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a lot of
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide inhabitants to have a variety of jobs.
Thus
, their lifestyle will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
from the plentiful opportunities to have jobs.

In conclusion
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
phenomenon when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to have a job.
However
, we need to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay their hometown to maintain equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
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IELTS essay Some people leave their hometown to work in other places. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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