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Some people hold this view that, for becoming one of a leading athlete or musician should have the talent on blood.While, the other group believe everybody can learn following fields

Some people hold this view that, for becoming one of a leading athlete or musician should have the talent on blood. While, the other group believe everybody can learn following fields MyqeN
Some people hold this view that, for becoming one of a leading athlete or musician should have the talent on blood. While, the other group believe everybody can learn following fields. I think, the second sight is more logical as human can reach to whatever they want by hard working, passing proper courses and tendency in order to reach their goals. History and science revell that some children are born with stunning abilities. This people do not require any specific training and most of them show up their uniqueness from early ages. For example, Beethoven who his music genius bloomed when he was just a young boy and became phenomenally successful is one of the best examples of a talented man. But where does this talent come from? In fact, father and mother who had remarkably high potential in music could be attributed to run musical ability in their family. This statement is supported by many articles which saied our abilities are influenced by our parents' DNA. As a consequence, the much of effort which is essential to become stand out is not at the same level for every body since some people are brilliant. Despite the importance of talent, there are other factors which play a key role to make a person a perfect sportsman or a well known artist. This is mainly because we have basic potentials for many skills. Although in some of them we are more accomplished, the possibility of improving each of them is not deniable. Since our aptitudes are able to be nurtured therefore there is no obstacle for learning them and making them to the top. On top of that, If children receiving motivation by people who around them is more likely to become successful at future in compare with one who don't have this condition. As a result, the more hard worker we are, the better position that we will receive. For the reason mentioned above I firmly believe there is no limitation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold this view that, for becoming one of a leading athlete or musician should have the talent on blood.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the other group believe everybody can learn following fields. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the second sight is more logical as human can reach to whatever they want by
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
, passing proper courses and tendency in order to reach their goals.

History and science
Possible spelling mistake found.
revell
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children
are born
with stunning abilities. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not require any specific training and most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up their uniqueness from early ages.
For example
, Beethoven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
his music genius bloomed when he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a young boy and became
phenomenally
successful is one of the best examples of a talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
where does this talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from? In fact, father and mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had
remarkably
high potential in music could
be attributed
to run musical ability in their family. This statement
is supported
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
articles which
Possible spelling mistake found.
saied
our abilities
are influenced
by our parents' DNA. As a consequence,
The phrase 'the much of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the much of
effort which is essential to become stand out is not at the same level for every body since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are brilliant.

Despite the importance of talent, there are other factors which play a key role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person a perfect sportsman or a well known artist. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have basic potentials for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them we are more accomplished, the possibility of improving each of them is not deniable. Since our aptitudes are able to
be nurtured
therefore
there is no obstacle for learning them and making them to the top.
On top of that
, If children receiving motivation by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
around them is more likely to become successful at future in compare with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't have this condition.
As a result
, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
worker we are, the better position that we will receive.

For the reason mentioned above I
firmly
believe there is no limitation for

IELTS essay Some people hold this view that, for becoming one of a leading athlete or musician should have the talent on blood. While, the other group believe everybody can learn following fields

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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