Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people hold the view that old people should live with their family after they retire until they die. Other people think that old people should live in a retirement home or community with other people of their age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people hold the view that old people should live with their family after they retire until they die. Other people think that old people should live in a retirement home or community with other people of their age. 7W153
Whether elderly should live with their family from the time they are taking retirement until they die or not remains controversial. Some people claim that they would better live with their family, while others contend that living in a retirement home or community with their peers. In my opinion, I believe that they would live better with their family than live in a retirement home. There are many reasons why those who support old people should live with their family. First of all, when people become ageing, they prefer spending time with their descendants. This will help them to be closer with their relatives and will experience a higher level of happiness. To illustrate an example, when living with their family, elderly people will be more happy and comfortable due to contact with their immediate family members. Moreover, their relatives will take care of them more dedicatedly than the others. Lastly, while ageing care providers have better training and knowledge in regard to health concerns, they don’t generate the same level of trust and affections as family members. Because of that, family support is very important. However, others are of the opinion that it is better for the old people living in a retirement home or community with their peers. Firstly, people think that those at the same age will much more easily share their interests with each other. Because of that, they will be more happy to live with those who are the same age as them. Furthermore, many people believe that elderly need special care, especially when they get sick but they do not have enough time to look after them. Thus, living in a retirement home or in a community will be more convenient for them to be cared for by skillful aging care providers. In conclusion, although there are still some advantages of living in a retirement home or in a community with their peers, for the reasons I have mentioned above, it seems evident that living with family is better.
Whether elderly should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
from the time they are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
or not remains controversial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, while others contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
with their peers. In my opinion, I believe that they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why those who support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
, they prefer spending time with their descendants. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be closer with their relatives and will experience a higher level of happiness. To illustrate an example, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more happy and comfortable due to contact with their immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Moreover
, their relatives will take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them more
Possible spelling mistake found.
dedicatedly
than the others.
Lastly
, while
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
providers have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
training and knowledge in regard to health concerns, they don’t generate the same level of trust and affections as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

However
, others are of the opinion that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
with their peers.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that those at the same age will much more
easily
share their interests with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, they will be more happy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with those who are the same age as them.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that elderly need special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
,
especially
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to look after them.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home or in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
will be more convenient for them to
be cared
for by skillful aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
providers.

In conclusion
, although there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home or in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
with their peers, for the reasons I have mentioned above, it seems evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people hold the view that old people should live with their family after they retire until they die. Other people think that old people should live in a retirement home or community with other people of their age.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts