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In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, another effective way is to provide people with better education so that they cannot become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, another effective way is to provide people with better education so that they cannot become criminals. v. 1
The Olympics, is one of the single major global event which brings all the countries of the world together and acts as a mean for every nation to be in the limelight and gather fame and recognition by participating in the event. Despite the importance of the event, many consider that government should spend more on programmes which promote active lifestyle and the physical well being of its people, rather than training a few athletes, which in my opinion is the right way to move forward. Olympic has not just been an international sporting event, but also a chance for each participating country to not only to win medals, but also to showcase their talent and culture at a world stage. Every nation should encourage its athletes and train them to participate in this sport festival as it helps the country to be recognised by the other nations of the world which ultimately leads into a cultural exchange. However, in spite of the benefits associated with participating in the Olympics, the nations governing bodies should focus on its citizen's overall health. Every economy's strength lies within its manpower and the countries with a strong and large workforce are able to bring about economic development at a faster pace. Due to this, the government should focus on keeping their people fit and active, which can be achieved by spending money on campaigns which encourage them to remain healthy. For example, the Mumbai Municipal Corporation, organises and encourages its citizen to participate in the Monsoon and Winter Marathons which, along with testing the fitness also checks for the participant's endurance. In conclusion, even though sending athletes to participate in the Olympics brings recognition to the nation and acts as a chance to showcase its culture, I strongly believe that governments should spend on focusing to improve and maintain public health as they are driving force of the economy.
The Olympics, is one of the single major global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
which brings all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the world together and acts as a mean for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to be in the limelight and gather fame and recognition by participating in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. Despite the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more on
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which promote active lifestyle and the physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
rather
than training a few athletes, which in my opinion is the right way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward.

Olympic has not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
been an international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a chance for each participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to win medals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to showcase their talent and culture at a world stage. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should encourage its athletes and train them to participate in this sport festival as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
by the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
of the world which
ultimately
leads into a cultural exchange.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the benefits associated with participating in the Olympics, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
governing bodies should focus on its citizen's
overall
health.

Every economy's strength lies within its manpower and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a strong and large workforce are able to bring about economic development at a faster pace. Due to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on keeping their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fit and active, which can
be achieved
by spending money on campaigns which encourage them to remain healthy.
For example
, the Mumbai Municipal Corporation,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organises' is British English.
organises
and encourages its citizen to participate in the Monsoon and Winter Marathons which, along with testing the fitness
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
for the participant's endurance.

In conclusion
,
even though
sending athletes to participate in the Olympics brings recognition to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and acts as a chance to showcase its culture, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend on focusing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and maintain public health as they are driving force of the economy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, another effective way is to provide people with better education so that they cannot become criminals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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