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Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and cannot afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What actions can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.1

Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and cannot afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What actions can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 1
Students are always different types, some of them are brilliant, good learners, disciplined and others are disobedient, noisy and problem makers, but everyone is special if they treated in a proper way. It completely depends on the teacher and how he or she is guiding him. The classroom is a wonderful place where everyone starts their life, it is the place where we can find our best friends, gain knowledge, and build ourselves as a good person. Peers always influence other students, like disruptive students may have a negative influence on other students, which is not good for others, school and finally society as well. This must be controlled by teachers, some people suggest disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. I completely disagree with their view. All students must be taught together, which gives them time to observe others and learn what is good and bad. Isolating them may cause more problems, instead, teachers should understand where are the roots of this behaviour, and should support them to overcome those problems. Teenagers are meant for their over energetic, disobedient behaviour. This is a show of hormones at that age. Teachers should discuss everything with the student's parents, and both of them should support students to achieve good behaviour. They're a good example in my life. When I'm studying tenth class there is a group of four students, who are always noisy and creating problems in the class. One day they crossed their line and bullied a girl in the middle of class. Instead of, punishing them teacher had talked with their parents and treated them with more care and affection. This made them to realise how bad they are and after then they became good students, in fact, two of them are became school toppers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are brilliant,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
learners, disciplined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are disobedient, noisy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
makers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone is special if they treated
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
. It completely depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and how he or she is guiding him.

The classroom is a wonderful place where everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
their life, it is the place where we can find our best friends, gain knowledge, and build ourselves as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person. Peers always influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, like disruptive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for others, school and
finally
society
as well
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest disobedient should
be grouped
together and taught
separately
. I completely disagree with their view.

All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
together, which gives them time to observe others and learn what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Isolating them may cause more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should understand where are the roots of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and should support them to overcome those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are meant
for their over energetic, disobedient
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
of hormones at that age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
should discuss everything with the student's parents, and both of them should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. They're a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example in my life. When I'm studying tenth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
there is a group of four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who are always noisy and creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. One day they crossed their line and bullied a girl in the middle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Instead
of, punishing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
had talked with their parents and treated them with more care and affection. This made them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
they are and after then they became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, in fact, two of them are
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
school
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
toppers
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and cannot afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What actions can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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