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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? yXXAg
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether superstars such as actors, musicians and sport players are paid higher money than people in other careers. Personally, I tend to agree with this for the following reason. Due to the fact that everyone knows that celebrities received an extremely high wage compare to others. For example, Fan pingping, she is one of the most famous actresses in China who did not pay an individual income tax for several year until it was a big headline news two years ago and she had to pay more than 800 chinese yuan for fine therefore this can be an evidence support the idea that superstar are paid to much money. However, I think there should be other types of occupation that also highly paid, the jobs which benefit to overall society such as teacher. Having a good or bad people in one society can depend on how they were taught so in my opinion teacher should also get higher salary to encorage them to work hard to give knowledge and take care children. The future of the country is on teacher's hands. Another important occupation should get a high income is doctor because doctor have to work all day long to treat their patients and try their best to save people's life. To illustrate that during Covid-19 pandemic, we have seen numbers of doctor around the world turn into strong soldiers to protect human being from hazardous virus. Thus, they should be receive more money from government's support. In conclusion, I would argue that entertainers are paid too much money and these amount of money should be pay for other careers that create higher positive impacts to the nation such as teacher and doctor based on the above reasoning I have presented.
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether superstars such as actors, musicians and sport players are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
careers.
Personally
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this for the following reason.

Due to the fact that everyone knows that celebrities received an
extremely
high wage compare to others.
For example
, Fan
Possible spelling mistake found.
pingping
, she is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actresses in China who did not pay an individual income tax for
Possible agreement error. The noun year seems to be countable; consider using: "several years".
several year
until it was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
headline news two years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ago and
she had to pay more than 800
Possible spelling mistake found.
chinese
yuan for fine
therefore
this can be an evidence support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean: "that superstar is"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that superstar are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
Did you mean "too"?
to
much money.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of occupation that
also
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
, the jobs which benefit to
overall
society such as teacher. Having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in one society can depend on how they
were taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in my opinion teacher should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher salary to
Possible spelling mistake found.
encorage
them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to give knowledge and take care children. The future of the country is on teacher's hands. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
occupation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high income is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work all day long to treat their patients and try their best to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. To illustrate that during Covid-19 pandemic, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
around the world turn into strong soldiers to protect human being from hazardous virus.
Thus
, they should be
Consider using the past participle "received"?
receive
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's support.

In conclusion
, I would argue that entertainers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and these amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
careers that create higher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts to the nation such as teacher and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
based on the above reasoning I have presented.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.