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Some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money

Some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money OwEGp
It is argued that celebrities are gaining too much money from their job as an entertainer. From my perspective, I completely agree with the statement and this essay will give reasons for my opinion as follow. First and foremost, people who have reputations are less important than essential workers such as nurses and teachers. These employees will eventually have more stress than a film star or any well-known individuals since their jobs are considered high-risk and they could be seriously hurt or injured. However, celebrities are always receiving an excessive amount of money compared to other jobs. In addition, spending years at university to get a bachelor's degree are mandatory for doctors and engineers while celebrities are often born with their talent for singing and acting. Another reason against the intention of extremely well-paid celebrities is that most of them waste their money on mansions, luxury cars, accessories, and private parties even though they can donate to charity organizations. Likewise, some well-known people are motivated that success can be achieved without finishing school. As an influencer, their speech may have a negative impact on teenagers. To summarize, it is absurd to pay celebrities just for entertainment and the payment needs to be balanced with the real workload they have. However, the salary of jobs such as doctor or teacher is required to be paid higher due to their contribution to the society.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are gaining too much money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as an entertainer. From my perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and this essay will give reasons for my opinion
Did you mean "as follows"?
as follow
.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have reputations are less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than essential workers such as nurses and teachers. These employees will
eventually
have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
than a film star or any well-known individuals since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are considered
high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and they could be
seriously
hurt or injured.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are always receiving an excessive amount of money compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
In addition
, spending years at university to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a bachelor's degree are mandatory for doctors and engineers while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
born with their talent for singing and acting.

Another reason against the intention of
extremely
well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is that most of them waste their money on mansions, luxury cars, accessories, and private parties
even though
they can donate to charity organizations.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are motivated
that success can
be achieved
without finishing school. As an influencer, their speech may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To summarize
, it is absurd to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for entertainment and the payment needs to
be balanced
with the real workload they have.
However
, the salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as doctor or teacher
is required
to
be paid
higher due to their contribution to the society.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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