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some people enjoy watching movies in their spare time. and others prefer reading book or magazine. state which you prefer and why? v.1

some people enjoy watching movies in their spare time. and others prefer reading book or magazine. state which you prefer and why? v. 1
In this modern and technological era, everyone wants to win the race of success, in order to enjoy comfort related amenities, by improving the living status, as a result, nowadays, both males and females of the family have started doing jobs, in many nations. This has drawn a line between two schools of thoughts, in which, array of masses argues that both genders should put their contribution in the domestic work, but I support this notion and would discuss my opinion in the following paragraphs. Firstly, when the husband and wife would participate in the regular activities, at a home, this will help them in the reduction of stress as well as increase their leisure time. For example, in Nigeria, both members of the family do full-hour job which causes the lack of care of their children. Furthermore, this negligence gives the birth to several problems, which their children have to face such as health issues, lack of help in studying at home. Apart from this, an improper care makes the children irresponsible as parents do not have adequate moment to listen to them and offer them guidance whenever they feel needed. Therefore, the participation in the homework by both if genders will not only help them to take time out of their busy schedule, for the care of their children, but also enlarge their leisure hours, in which, they can enjoy recreational activities. Consequently, they would be able to care of their children and enjoy leisure activities. Secondly, this practise will inculcate the good virtues in them and will improve their soft-skills. For example, as it is known to everyone that a child's habits, whether those are good or bad, are influenced from the family or parents. Therefore, when the children would observe their father or mother, contributing to the work of the family, it will inculcate the good virtues in them responsibility is one of them. In addition to it, this will also help the teenagers improve their soft-skills that are time management, team-work communication-skills, enhances the patience, punctuality, et Cetra. Moreover, these abilities will also able them to be good citizens as well as successful in the future. Therefore, it is a good idea to participate in the regular work at a home, as it fills the children with good qualities like responsibility and enrich them with soft-skills. At last, it is apparent from the above views that strongly support the participation of both of the genders of the family, in the daily work at home, as this shift will reduce the stress, increase the free time, make the children responsible and enrich them with soft-skills.
In this modern and technological era, everyone wants to win the race of success, in order to enjoy comfort related amenities, by improving the living status,
as a result
, nowadays, both males and females of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
doing jobs, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. This has drawn a line between two schools of thoughts, in which, array of masses argues that both genders should put their contribution in the domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I support this notion and would discuss my opinion in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, when the husband and wife would participate in the regular activities, at a home, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in the reduction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as well
as increase their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, in Nigeria, both members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
do full-hour job which causes the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, this negligence gives the birth to several problems, which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face such as health issues, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in studying at home. Apart from this, an improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
irresponsible as parents do not have adequate moment to listen to them and offer them guidance whenever they feel needed.
Therefore
, the participation in the homework by both if genders will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of their busy schedule, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enlarge their leisure hours, in which, they can enjoy recreational activities.
Consequently
, they would be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and enjoy leisure activities.

Secondly
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
will inculcate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
virtues in them and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, as it
is known
to everyone that a child's habits, whether those are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
are influenced
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or parents.
Therefore
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would observe their father or mother, contributing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it will inculcate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
virtues in them responsibility is one of them.
In addition
to it, this will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management, team-work communication-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, enhances the patience, punctuality,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.
Moreover
, these abilities will
also
able them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens
as well
as successful in the future.
Therefore
, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to participate in the regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at a home, as it fills the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
qualities like responsibility and enrich them with soft-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

At last, it is apparent from the above views that
strongly
support the participation of both of the genders of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, in the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home, as this shift will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, increase the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
responsible and enrich them with soft-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay some people enjoy watching movies in their spare time. and others prefer reading book or magazine. state which you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
439 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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