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Some people claim that young people are more attractive than older people in business or in the workplace. Do you agree or disagree with this? v.1

Some people claim that young people are more attractive than older people in business or in the workplace. with this? v. 1
There are a variety of several perspectives on the question whether youngsters or elderlies have more attraction in case of professional occupations and business works. Although the majority of people claim that they appeal to young employees more than middle-ages, I insist on the attraction of elderlies in workplaces. A number of my arguments are as follows. At first, I believe that employees, who bear deep experience and relevant knowledge of their career, can effectively influence other staff. In other words, the impact that a person with twenty years of experience has on the team, can probably lead the whole company to an upper level. So, for instance, a highly skilled manager is more likely to be accepted in a job interview, in comparison to a young one. The second reason to prove my claim is that old personnel always have something to pass on to their subordinate colleagues. They can occasionally gather the younger employees and provide them with their precious job-related advice. This can be beneficial for both. Young staff members have the opportunity to be heard. Moreover, innovative ideas of young work force could be presented. To summarize, all staff members could be appealed in business and profession. There are various beliefs to and against youngsters and elderlies. However, I restate my personal view that although younger members might have creative ideas, older employees could affect the whole team more positively.
There are a variety of several perspectives on
the question whether
youngsters or
elderlies
have more attraction in case of professional occupations and business works. Although the majority of
people
claim that they appeal to
young
employees
more than middle-ages, I insist on the attraction of
elderlies
in workplaces. A number of my arguments are as follows.

At
first
, I believe that
employees
, who bear deep experience and relevant knowledge of their career, can
effectively
influence other staff.
In other words
, the impact that a person with twenty years of experience has on the team, can
probably
lead the whole
company
to an upper level.
So
,
for instance
, a
highly
skilled manager is more likely to be
accepted
in a job interview,
in comparison
to a
young
one.

The second reason to prove my claim is that
old
personnel always have something to pass on to their subordinate colleagues. They can
occasionally
gather the younger
employees
and provide them with their precious job-related advice. This can be beneficial for both.
Young
staff members have the opportunity to
be heard
.
Moreover
, innovative
ideas
of
young
work force could
be presented
.

To summarize
, all staff members could
be appealed
in business and profession. There are various beliefs to and against youngsters and
elderlies
.
However
, I restate my personal view that although younger members might have creative
ideas
, older
employees
could affect the whole team more
positively
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that young people are more attractive than older people in business or in the workplace. with this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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