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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. v.7

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. v. 7
We live in the age of computer and Information Technology and with the tap of the finger, we can get virtually any information we need. The recent 3D presentations and the 360-degree views of museums, art galleries, streets, oceans, hills and virtually any place of the world are quite fascinating. This fire up the debate whether we really need to have public places like museum, art galleries or establishments like these as people can easily view and know about historic objects and artworks using a computer. Personally, I quite disagree with the given notion and believe that online information can never replace the needs of having real museums and art galleries. First of all, only when we have museums, art galleries, exhibitions, or collection of historic objects and artworks, we can present them online. Without the existence of museums and galleries, online collection of historic objects or works would never have existed. Second, museums and art galleries preserve the real objects while online presentation has nothing to do with preserving those invaluable works and objects. Moreover, museums and galleries are maintained by a group of experts who knows which objects or works are historically important and decide to preserve them. On the contrary, websites and online resources are often run by ordinary people and maintaining online authenticity is not always possible. Again, museums and art galleries offer firsthand experience to the audiences and viewers and represent the history, tradition and important artworks of a country. The computer-based information of an important historic work or object can never do the same. Online information about any particular artwork or historic object is a great way to learn about it but it can never be compared with the human experience of observing them personally. Finally, museums and art galleries have great attractions among tourists and their online version can never actually generate a huge revenue that a real museums or art gallery would do. Children of schools might enjoy learning about arts, history etc online but unless they personally witness those, they will never become enthusiastic about history and art. In conclusion, online presentation of historic places and artworks is a good way of letting people learn more about them but it is quite unrealistic that they would replace the real establishment of museums or art galleries around the world.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the age of computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
Technology and with the tap of the finger, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
virtually
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
we need. The recent 3D presentations and the 360-degree views of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
, streets, oceans, hills and
virtually
any place of the world are quite fascinating. This fire up the debate whether we
really
need to have public places like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
or establishments like these as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
view and know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
using a computer.
Personally
, I quite disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can never replace the needs of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
, exhibitions, or collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
, we can present them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Without the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
or works would never have existed. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
presentation has nothing to do with preserving those invaluable works and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are maintained
by a group of experts who knows which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
or works are
historically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and decide to preserve them.
On the contrary
, websites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
resources are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
run by ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
authenticity is not always possible.

Again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
offer firsthand experience to the audiences and viewers and represent the history, tradition and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
of a country. The computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
object
can never do the same.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about any particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artwork
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
object
is a great way to learn about it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can never
be compared
with the human experience of observing them
personally
.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
have great attractions among tourists and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
version can never actually generate a huge revenue that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "museum"?
museums
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
would do. Children of schools might enjoy learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, history etc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unless they
personally
witness those, they will never become enthusiastic about history and art.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
presentation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historic
places and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of letting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn more about them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is quite unrealistic that they would replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
establishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
around the world.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
70Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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