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Some people claim that museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works using a computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people claim that museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works using a computer. v. 2
Maintaining museums or art galleries remains a major concern nowadays due to throughout the use of a computer, a person can see any historical objects and works. However, I believe that the existence of such place still plays an important role in the cultural diversity of a country. Nowadays, arm-chair tourism becomes popular, it is easier for ones today to be able to see the whole world through television or a computer without needed to pay a visit on a destination. In fact, there have already existed numerous programs which content is about life before, how the daily life of our ancestor, what is their problems and some about the war previous centuries. All of them are displayed under vivid images and videos, I have to concede that it was made attractable. However, experiencing an object or event throughout multimedia would never be comparable to travelling to an actual place, by viewing a life-size object and surrounding things. Museums and art galleries aimed their best to serve this, not only a historical object that actually be bequeathed by our prior generation, is exhibited, but they also vividly illustrate how useful it is throughout different activities of our previous generation. On the other hand, while the main aims of museums or art galleries are served as a national memory bank, it also plays a vital role in the educational purpose about country’s custom and culture. In fact, such places attract lots of tourists. It is an initial destination for those who want to explore the history and culture of the visited country. In addition, some museums also collaborate with local people to tell real stories about their grandfather lives, who deeply understand their ancestors. No images nor videos is capable to convey such things. On the other hand, these places can also be served as a destination for weekend family trips where parents can teach their children what our ancestors have done and been sacrificed to keep our peaceful life, which helps them realize how expensive the war is, and such mistake should not be repeated in their future. In conclusion, although the benefits brought by the advancement of technology in the sense of appreciation for historical works cannot be ignored, maintaining museums and art galleries still have some advantage for residents to capable to feel a full sense about what our ancestors have done before.
Maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
remains a major concern nowadays due to throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a computer, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
and works.
However
, I believe that the existence of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
still
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the cultural diversity of a country.

Nowadays, arm-chair tourism becomes popular, it is easier for
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the whole world through television or a computer without needed to pay a visit on a destination. In fact, there have already existed numerous programs which content is about life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, how the daily life of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancestor
, what is their problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
about the war previous centuries. All of them
are displayed
under vivid images and videos, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concede that it
was made
attractable.
However
, experiencing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
object
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
throughout multimedia would never be comparable to travelling to an actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, by viewing a life-size
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
object
and surrounding things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
aimed their best to serve this, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
object
that actually
be bequeathed
by our prior generation,
is exhibited
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
vividly
illustrate how useful it is throughout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities of our previous generation.

On the other hand
, while the main aims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are served
as a national memory bank, it
also
plays a vital role in the educational purpose about country’s custom and culture. In fact, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
attract lots of tourists. It is an initial destination for those who want to explore the history and culture of the visited country.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
also
collaborate with local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
real stories about their grandfather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, who
deeply
understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancestors
. No images nor videos is capable to convey such things.
On the other hand
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can
also
be served
as a destination for weekend family trips where parents can teach their children what our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancestors
have done and
been sacrificed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our peaceful life, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them realize how expensive the war is, and such mistake should not
be repeated
in their future.

In conclusion
, although the benefits brought by the advancement of technology in the sense of appreciation for historical works cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantage for residents
Did you mean "too capable to"?
to capable to
feel a full sense about what our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancestors
have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people claim that museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works using a computer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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